Pineapple Panic!
by Roxius
Summary: Rated due to language and total OOCness. A normal meeting of 'The Handsome Lesbian Club' goes haywire when news hits that a STRAIGHT GIRL has arrived on the premises! It's just pure crack, baby! Please R & R! Other stuff happens too.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Strawberry Panic. Why do I even need to bother making disclaimers, if owning any of these franchises would mean I wouldn't even be on this site in the first place. Of course, I just typed this part up so I can get in some more words to make the fic longer by a smidge.

A/N: No matter how you look at it, this is a crack fic. It's a bit of surprise I haven't written anything for this series until now, considering everything...I feel like this show is more for women though, than the yuri-loving male demographic. It just makes liking this series kind of awkward...

* * *

_In an deep underground chamber, hidden within the bowels of Astraea Hill, an important and possibly world-altering meeting was being held..._

"I call this meeting of 'The Handsome Lesbian Club' to order!" Shizuma Hanazono announced. She sat at one end of a large circular table with two female gender symbols combined as the club's shield in the middle. Surrounding her in their respective seats were Nagisa Aoi, Amane Ohtori, Hikari Konohana, Chikaru Minamoto and Tamao Suzumi was currently out on reconnaissance duty.

'I really like this club...' Amane thought, smirking.

"Why isn't EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN' SCHOOL in this club?!" Nagisa questioned.

"Because," Shizuma replied, "You have to be a HANDSOME lesbian...dumbass..."

'I REALLY like this club...' Amane thought, now smiling widely.

"To tell you the truth, only you and Amane-bitchi over there really classify as 'handsome lesbians'...or at least Amane-bitchi does..." Chikaru pointed out.

'I REALLY, REALLY LIKE THIS CLUB!!!' Amane thought blissfully, completely unaware that the others were talking about her.

Already bored with the club meeting, Hikari lit a cigarette and slipped it gracefully in between her lips.

Nagisa gasped. "H-HIKARI-CHAN!! YOU'RE...YOU'RE SMOKING! NOT ONLY IS THAT BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, BUT IT'S NOT ALLOWED IN SCHOOL...AND IT'S VERY UNLADY-LIKE!!"

Hikari scoffed and snapped, "Shut the fuck up. I've been smoking since I was five. I can do whatever the fuck I want, as long as I got Amane-bitch here to pleasure me..."

Nagisa was flabbergasted. "I AM FLABBERGASTED."

'Wow...her personality really got butchered in this fic...' Shizuma noted.

"Another thing, also," Chikaru said, twirling her hair with her finger, "Why aren't Kaname and Momomi in the club...?"

"Because they suck," Shizuma replied nonchalantly.

"I can agree to that..."

'I LOVE THIS CLUB SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO FUCK IT IN THE ASS...TWICE!'

Suddenly, the door swung open, and Tamao dashed in with a look of pure horror on her face. "IT'S TERRIBLE! IT'S AWFUL! NO...IT'S THE END OF THE FUCKIN' WORLD, DAMMIT!!!"

"Calm down, Tamao-chan!" Nagisa cried, "W-What's the matter?! What's going on topside?!"

Tamao looked like she was going to faint from shock. "A...A NEW STUDENT HAS ARRIVED...AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE HORSES AT ALL!!"

Amane immediately snapped to attention, and she pulled out her sniper rifle. "I'll kill the bitch good."

"Calm down, Amane," Shizuma grunted, "We're not all so in love with horses that we'd sneak into the staples one night, strip down naked, cover ourselves in mustard, and-"

"THAT WAS ONE TIME, DAMMIT! STOP BRINGING IT UP!" Amane snapped, her face red, "BY THE WAY, WHAT ABOUT YOUR WEIRD FETISH?! YOU KNOW THE ONE I'M TALKING ABOUT! WHEN YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM AND-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?!" Nagisa sobbed.

"Fucking annoying conversation is fucking...annoying," Hikasu commented, a bit upset that she failed to make a joke out of her words like usually.

Suddenly, Tamao recalled something else about the new girl. "Oh, and she's straight!"

An awkward silence befell the tiny lesbian-filled room.

"S...S...Straight?!" Nagisa stammered.

Cocking her head to the side, Shizuma asked, "What does this 'straight' thing mean...?"

Chikaru whispered it into Shizuma's ear.

"OH MY FUCKING LORD!!!" Shizuma ran to the nearest garbage can and puked about three or four times.

"I...I didn't even know there were people like that still around..." Amane was shaking violently, afraid for her very life and soul.

"Don't be stupid," Chikaru snapped, "Of course there are still straight people in the world! Way more of them than there are of people like us! I really don't see what the problem is; I'm sure there's alot of straight girls already at our schools..."

"Oh my god! Burn it with fire!!!" Hikari screamed, litting several more cigarettes and sticking them in her mouth all at once.

"Hold on! How do you know she's straight, exactly?" Shizuma asked Tamao.

"She's showing off pictures of her boyfriend Ricky..." Tamao explained.

Shizuma, and just about everyone else in the room, blanched. 'RICKY IS SATAN, AND THIS STRAIGHT GIRL HAS BEEN SENT BY HIM TO CORRUPT OUR BEAUTIFUL GAY LIFE STYLES WITH COCK-LOVING STRAIGHT BITCHINESS!'

"I have decided...that we shall declare war on this straight girl!" Shizuma announced.

"Whoa! ...Already??" Nagisa replied.

"I WILL NOT ALLOW OUR PEACEFUL YURI WAY OF LIVING TO BE THREATENED BY SUCH INSANITY AS WOMEN WHO LOVE MEN!!! WE WILL GIVE THIS VILE CREATURE TWO CHOICES: BECOME GAY...OR DIE!!!"

"Isn't that kinda extreme...?" Chikaru asked, forever the voice of reason within this group of idiot lesbians.

"Of course it's not! It is our duty to protect the garden of lilies, and thus, evil must be eliminated!" Shizuma proclaimed, dawning a headband with the kanji 'FIGHT!' written on it, and a pair of spiked gloves. A powerful flame of determination was glowing in her eyes; nothing could stop Shizuma now...nothing...

Chikaru reached over and tore off Nagisa's unfirom, revealing her bare breasts. "Look, Shizuma...delicious flat chest!!!"

"I'm...I'm not that flat, dammit!" Nagisa snapped.

"OH, HELL YEAH!!!" Drooling like a wild beast, Shizuma leaped on top of poor Nagisa and was about to start 'rape-time mode' when she realized something...

"YOU'RE NOT THAT FLAT, DAMMIT!"

"I KNOW!!"

"ONLY KAORI-CHAN HAD DELICIOUS FLAT CHEST!!! FUUUUUUCK, WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE?! I WANT MY VAGINA BACK..."

"YOU NEVER LOST IT, SO STOP CRYING ON ME!!!"

Although this wasn't exactly what Chikaru was aiming to happen, at least Shizuma was now distracted.

"What should we do about this straight girl, though...?" Tamao asked, worried that she might end up with cooties or something from being in close contact with someone who WASN'T gay.

Chikaru shrugged. "Why don't we go and check her out ourselves?"

Together, Chikaru, Amane, chain-smoker Hikari and Tamao headed up to the surface, and left seme-Shizuma and uke-Nagisa to continue their business...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

* * *

The sunlight of the world above (remember, they were just inside an underground vault) blinded Chikaru and the others momentarily. When they were able to see again, however, their combined gaydars immediately went off, pointing out the single student in a crowd of thousands who was not gay.

"...Wait a minute, why do I have a gaydar?! I'm not gay!" Chikaru cried.

"Uh, you're in 'The Handsome Lesbians Club', dood. Plus, you go to this school. Being a lesbian is basically a requirement!" Tamao spoke up.

"So, this whole school was created by a lesbian couple who wished to spread the roots of lesbianism by estranged thousands of impossibly-beautiful young girls from the world of men, and forcing them to find love in one another?? I think the notion is rather likely!!"

"...What?"

"Anyway, I'm not gay!"

Suddenly, Shion ran up to Chikaru and kissed her on the cheek. "Hey, honey," she purred, "Can't wait for tonight..."

"GO AWAY, DAMMIT! I'M TRYING TO PROVE MY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!" Chikaru snapped.

"...But you go to this school, though, and we-"

"I KNOW ALREADY!! GOD, YOU PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING!!!"

"Speaking of God, we go to a Catholic Girl's school. Isn't it...KINDA BAD...that we all happen to be lesbians, too?"

"HEY, WE AIN'T HERE TO TALK ABOUT RELIGION, LADY!!!"

"We're all fags. Accept it..." Hikari grunted.

Turning to Tamao, Amane asked, "Tamao-chan, do you know what the straight girl's name is?"

"YES! I SWIPED HER INSURANCE CARD!" Tamao cackled, her evil lesbian side emerging once again, "Her name is...Mary Sue. Huh. Must be an exchange student from Sweden or something..."

"Just hearing that name fills me with RAGE!!!" Amane roared, taking out a large shotgun this time.

"Still mad about the horses thing...?"

"I'M FUCKIN' PEEVED!!!"

Suddenly, Tamao looked ahead and gasped, "AHH! THERE SHE IS!!!"

Everyone gasped and turned their attention to the front of the crowd; a young woman with hair similar to Nagisa's, and wide emerald green eyes.

"WHY THE HELL DOES SHE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE NAGISA-CHAN?!" everyone asked.

Tamao shrugged. "For the same reason that Kaname and Amane look so similar...IT'S THE HAIR."

"THE...THE HAIR!!!"

All of the sudden, completely out of left field, Shizuma burst out from underneath the concrete while holding onto Nagisa's dress with her teeth. Landing gracefully on the ground, Shizuma dropped Nagisa onto the floor and snarled, "SO...WHERE IS THE FUCKIN' SICK BITCH OF A STRAIGHT GIRL?!!!"

Tamao pointed once again at the girl mentioned earlier.

"WHAT THE HELL?! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE NAGISA!!!"

"WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT FACT, IDIOT!!!"

Shizuma brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. "Whatever. I'm still gonna make her pay, though..."

With incredible speed, Shizuma dashed right up next to Mary Sue and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yes, what is it?" Mary Sue asked, her voice sweet and gentle like the singing of a thousand doves...if that makes any sense.

Shizuma felt her cheeks flush. 'HOLY CRAP...I THINK I'M IN LOVE! FOR REAL THIS TIME!'

Grabbing Mary Sue by the shoulders, Shizuma pulled her close...and kissed her passionately on the lips.

"OH FUCK! DO WE NEED TO KEEP HER ON A LEASH OR SOMETHING?!" Chikaru cursed.

"DAMN YOU, UNCONTROLLABLE HORMONES FROM HELL!!!" Hikari screamed into the skies.

Nagisa sat up, and blinked a few times in confusion. "Uh...wait, what?"

"It seems Shizuma has once again chosen ANOTHER lover..." Tamao told her, gently caressing Nagisa's cheek.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Nagisa screeched furiously, "I FUCKIN' GAVE UP MY FREEDOM FOR HER DAMN SAKE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! AND NOW...AND NOW SHE JUST GOES AND GETS ANOTHER GIRL TO LOVE?! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE SHIT! THAT'S WHAT I SAY ABOUT HER NOW!!!"

"...Can you love me, Nagisa-chan?" Tamao asked hopefully.

Nagisa glared once more back at Shizuma as she was mouth-raping poor Mary Sue, and she nodded. "Yes, I want to be your lover, Tamao-chan."

"HELL YEAH!!!"

Suddenly, Mary Sue regained her mental will to act, and she kneed Shizuma in the crotch. "Oh crap...there goes the nuts...and I don't even have any..." Then, the freakishly-horny lesbian woman collapsed to the ground in a heap.

"YOU SICK, DISGUSTING DYKE!!!" Mary Sue screamed, and she kicked Shizuma in the head, "HOW DARE YOU KISS ME!!! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, AND IF THIS SCHOOL WASN'T ONLY FOR GIRLS, I'D HAVE HIM RAPE YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU DIE!!!" Turning around, she stormed off in a huff.

'You'd...you'd actually have him do that...?' Amane and the others thought, shaking with fear.

Nearby, Miyuki Rokujo was watching the scene of Shizuma kissing the straight girl unfold. 'I'M...GONNA...KILL...THAT...STRAIGHT...BITCH!!! I LOVE SHIZUMA-CHAN!!! SHE WILL BE MINE, AND FOREVER BE MINE!!! ONLY I GET TO KICK HER IN THE CROTCH!!!'

Also nearby, Kaname Kenjo and Momomi Kiyashiki had also witnessed the events take place. 'HMM...THIS'LL BE INTERESTING, I BET."

Yaya Nanto was there, too. 'Hikari, I was a fool to let you fall into Amane's arms...you will be mine again...I SWEAR IT!'

Chiyo Tsukidate was sucking on a lollipop when she noticed Nagisa and Tamao sharing a deep kiss, and she almost choked. '...WHY...WHY AM I ALWAYS HATED BY THE FANBASE?? OR AM I JUST OVERTHINKING THINGS?!'

It seems a new age of crack was dawning upon the school...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Strawberry Panic!

* * *

_At Miator..._

After that painful cunt punt, Shizuma was in the infirmary for quite a while. When she did regain consciousness, however, the first thing she demanded was to have Mary Sue brought to her chained to a bed without her panties on. When she found out they weren't allowed to have their panties removed, she almost ready to give up. Since everyone else was too busy being gay somewhere, Miyuki decided to visit the white-haired slut.

"...You really want to see her again, huh?" Miyuki asked sadly, trying to keep emotions under control and failing.

Shizuma let out a unnecessarily long sigh and replied, "Yes...the moment I stared into those deep, beautiful eyes of her...I knew that she was the one for me..."

"But...you say that for every girl you meet, and you only end up staying with them for about a month, with the exception of Nagisa-chan..."

Shizuma shrugged. "I can't help it. I'm like a bird...I don't know where my soul is..."

"If only to stop you from saying lyrics of songs you know I hate, I'll tell you this: it might just be easier for you if you become a lesbian prostitute or something...no hassle, no commitment, and you both get what you want...everyone wins!"

"You'd be my first costumer, wouldn't you?" Shizuma sneered.

Miyuki nodded. "Yes."

'DAMN, SHE'S GOT NO SHAME, THIS WOMAN!'

"By the way, Nagisa is paired up with Tamao now..."

"...Who?"

Miyuki let out a sigh of deep longing. "Man, I wish I knew how to quit you..."

"I wish I knew how to quite marijuana..." Shizuma muttered under her breath.

As this conversation continued, the nurse was making sure to write all of this down for her next yuri fanfic...

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Spica..._

Mary Sue was blissfully skipping to her next class, when she suddenly heard the sound of horse hooves hitting pavement from behind her.

Spinning around, she was rather surprised to see no one there.

'Huh.' Shrugging her shoulders, she continued walking. And then she heard the sound again.

Once again, she turned around, only to see not a single soul.

'What the hell...?' Shaking her head, Mary Sue went on her way.

Then, without warning, a giant white horse burst out of a nearby bush and smacked right into her. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

As Mary Sue laid on the ground, Amane ran out of the same bush and cried (in a really bad acting voice), "Oh, I'm soooooo sorry! Star Bride here gets a little rowdy sometimes! I'm really sorry! I really am! Please forgive meeee..."

However, Amane was thinking something quite different inside her mind: 'Heh heh heh heh! How'd you like that, fuckin' straight bitch?! Felt good, didn't it? How about I smack you around some more, huh? No one gets away with hating horses as long as I'm here! And since I'm an anime character, I'll never get old, so I'll be here FOREVER! So...suck it, bitch!!!'

Getting back up on her feet, Mary Sue was about to screech at the short-haired lesbian...when she suddenly formed a smirk on her lips. "Hey...you're Amane Ohtori, aren't you? The 'Prince of Spica'...am I right?"

"Yes..." Amane replied, unsure of where this was going.

"I heard about you! You're gay just like the rest of these sick freaks, right?!" Mary Sue cackled.

"...What?!"

"I bet you've been to all the Gay Pride Parades, huh? Showing off like you own the world! Ha ha ha ha! People like that are always so obviously pitiful and pathetic that it's hilarious!! I don't even care that I got hit in the head by a horse anymore! Just looking at you is enough to make my day! Bwa ha ha ha..."

With that said, Mary Sue walked off, laughing victoriously. Falling to her knees, Amane cried, "How...how did she know I've been to all the Gay Pride Parades?! Does she even know that I won the 'Ms. Gay Competition' (A.K.A. Etoile competition) last year?! Oh my god...she is a formidable foe indeed..."

Walking up behind Amane, Hikari kicked her in the ass and barked, "Hey, Amane-bitchi, I thought I told you to get me another pack of cigarettes!!"

Star Bride let out a high-pitched cry.

"SHUT UP, YOU DAMN HORSE!" Hikari snapped, and she smashed her fist into the horse's side, causing it to collapse on the ground.

Amane couldn't take it anymore. 'First, Hikari starts treating me like her errand girl...then a straight girl comes who hates horses...and I get mocked for being in the Gay Pride Parade! It's just too much! I'm gonna...I'm gonna...'

Standing up, Amane had a serious look on her face as she proclaimed, "I'm gonna...become a lipstick lesbian!!!"

A pregnant silence filled the air, and a cold chill blew through the cherry trees.

"...You're not a lipstick lesbian already?" Hikari asked after a moment.

"NO, I'M NOT! WELL, I MEAN, I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF LOOK MORE FEMININE FROM NOW ON...LIKE, I'LL WEAR DRESSES AND HAVE LONG HAIR AND CRAP LIKE THAT!" Amane exclaimed.

Hikari was silent as the thought of Amane in a dress processed inside her mind. "Oh my god...do you want the fuckin' world to blow up or something?! Don't do it, girl!!! Think of the fabric of the cosmos! Think of the poor children in Europe! Think of...think of the fan mail, dammit! It'll all go down the shitter if you attempt such a thing!"

Amane shook her head. "I don't care. From now on, I won't even wear my beloved jockstrap anymore..."

"Damn, you really AREN'T a lipstick lesbian, huh?"

This scene continued on for a rather long while, and poor Star Bride was left a broken, quivering mess...

* * *

_Over at Lulim..._

Chikaru was pissed. She was really pissed. She was so pissed that a demonic aura was totally visible flowing around her being. Anyone who was unfortunate to even pass by right in front of her at that moment got a rather painful kick to the face.

"...Chikaru-sempai seems upset," Kizuna Hyuga said.

"We established that already..." Remon Natsume grumbled.

"Why is she so pissed?"

"Apparently, everyone is doubting her claims that she's not actually gay..."

Kizuna cocked her head to one side. "Uh...but she goes to this school, and she and Shion-sempai already-"

"That's exactly my point. Chikaru-sempai is just being an idiot..." Remon concluded.

Chikaru clenched her fists tightly and thought, 'I'm not gay, although it's pretty much impossible to deny it at this point, what with my relationship with Shion and everything. Still, I'm not gay! I'm just...I'm just...I'm just bisexual, that's all! I'll prove it to everyone! I'm bisexual! I'm bisexual! I'm bisexual!'

Suddenly, two random girls passed by. "Oh, hey, lesbian-sempai...I mean, Chikaru-sempai!"

In her rage, Chikaru blasted both of them with a giant kamehameha blast.

Kagome Byakudan looked down at Percival in her hands and told him, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK..."

I'm starting to run out of ideas here...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

* * *

_Amane decides it's time to get pretty!!! Obviously, she goes and speaks with Nagisa and Tamao about it..._

"I'm gonna try and be more feminine from now on!"

"It's not possible for someone like you," Nagisa pointed out as Tamao nibbled on her neck, "You'll just end up failing, so don't even try..."

"Well, thanks for the ENCOURAGEMENT...bitch!" Amane snapped back.

"I'm gonna have to agree with them, Amane-bitchi," Hikari said, "I mean...your nickname is 'The Prince'. 'The Prince' for crying out loud! You were BORN to be an androgynous lesbian archetype! Don't question your fate! You have to live with it!!"

"No! It can't be possible! I mean, I can change! I really can!"

"Sorry, but no."

"SCREW YOU IDIOTS! I'll prove it all of you gay bitches! I'LL BE MORE FEMININE THAN ALL OF YOU!!! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCHA...A BUNCHA GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!" Amane cried, and she ran off, sobbing into her hands.

Everyone was quiet for a while.

"Wow...I never knew she was such a loser..." Nagisa finally remarked.

Hikari shrugged. "Eh. You can live with it...but you can never just get USED TO IT, ya know...?"

Tamao nodded. "I hear ya, girl. I hear ya."

"The fact people like to pair you up with Yaya more doesn't help her psyche much either..." Nagisa said.

Hikari nodded. "Uh-huh...SAY WHAT NOW?!"

Suddenly, Amane came running back into the room, carrying a machine gun. "I'LL SHOW YOU HOW FUCKIN' FEMININE I AM, BITCHES!!!"

"OH CRAP!!"

Laughing like a madman, Amane fired off waves of bullets in every direction...except in the direction that Hikari, Nagisa and Tamao were standing.

After a minute, the machine gun had run out of ammo, and the walls and ceiling were full of bullet holes. Breathing heavily, Amane tossed the gun to the side and chuckled, "Heh...heh...heh...now...do you think I'm...I'm feminine...?"

Nagisa, Hikari and Tamao shook their heads. "No. Now we think you're just bat-shit crazy."

"Son of a submariner! You'll all pay for this!" Cursing under her breath, Amane stormed off to try something else...

* * *

_Back at the infirmary..._

Although she was perfectly fine by now, Shizuma and Miyuki were too busy talking to even bother leaving the place.

Staring at a picture of Kaori, Miyuki asked, "What do you think is bigger...her face in this picture, or my boobs?"

"Your boobs...and that's not even possible," Shizuma replied.

"Good choice,"

The nurse, however, was become quite agitated. 'WHY THE FUCK DON'T THEY JUST SHUT UP AND HAVE SEX ALREADY?!' she wondered, 'I BROUGHT A DAMN CAMERA AND EVERYTHING!!!'

Placing a hand on Shizuma's shoulder, Miyuki said, "You know, Shizuma...for a long, long time, there's been...something I've really wanted to tell you..."

Shizuma cocked an eyebrow and smirked playfully. "Oh, really? And...what exactly would that be?"

Slowly, Miyuki began leaning close toward Shizuma's face. Her cheeks flushed, and she stammered, "W-Well...I...I...I..."

Hearing this, the nurse quickly turned on her camera and began taping the scene SECRETLY. 'OH HELL YEAH, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD!'

Suddenly, just as Miyuki's and Shizuma's faces were only inches away, the short-haired girl cackled, "I wanted to tell you that when you have the runs, you have THE RUNS. I mean, damn, girl! At least close the door! Bwa ha ha ha!"

Shizuma glared. "THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT,"

'They...they didn't even kiss...'

Without a word, the nurse stood up, placed her camera gently on the floor, and leaped out the third-story window.

Miyuki and Shizuma were silent for a moment. "Hoo hum."

"Didn't see that one coming..."

"...Let's root through her stuff."

"Sounds good to me!"

When they were done, the two girls headed off to find Mary Sue, passing the nurse from earlier. She was lying in a puddle of her own blood and rather upset that she had survived the fall...

* * *

'So...how do I prove that I'm bisexual in an ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL?!' Chikaru wondered to herself.

Suddenly, as she was watching Kaname and Momomi make out passionately, an idea came to her. 'I'LL BE AN EVIL HOMOPHOBE!!!'

Tapping Momomi on the shoulder, Chikaru snapped, "HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!"

"Says who?" sneered Momomi with a roll of her eyes.

"GOD!" Chikaru exclaimed, and she smacked Momomi across the face with a bible.

"AUAHH-"

Kaname freaked out. "Hey, you can't hit my bitch like that! Only I can hit my bitch like that!" However, she ended up being pummeled as well.

Yaya, Tsubomi and Chiyo all let out gasps of horror. "JESUS CHRIST, IT'S CHIKARU! GET IN THE CAR!"

Without a moment's hesitation, the three lesbians jumped into a car and drove off. Screaming like a maniac, Chikaru was about chase after them when Shion stepped up in front of her.

Smiling innocently, Shion asked, "Hey, Chikaru-chan! What're you doing?"

Chikaru was about to smack Shion down as well, but...she just couldn't do it. Falling to her knees in defeat, Chikaru cried, "I...I can't hit you; you're just too beautiful and cute...I love you with all my heart, Shion-chan..."

A smirk formed on Shion's lips. "Come on...let's go have some normal sex...and by that, I mean, let's go have some lesbian sex..."

...And that's just what they did.

* * *

Amane had spent a long, hard time trying to think of a way to prove that despite her androgynous nature and nickname as 'The Prince', she was just as feminine, if not more so, than the rest of the lesbians in the school. Eventually, as she laid on the grass while Star Bride was grazing nearby, an interesting idea formed in her cute little head.

'I'll go to an all-boys school for a week, and if they realize I'm a woman before that time is up, it'll prove I really am feminine!'

Heading back to her room, Amane did the only thing she knew was important if she was going to pretend to be a boy; she put on a strap-on dildo. However, it was still noticeably bulging out of her pants.

'Hmm...I think I should just go as I am...' Amane figured.

Suddenly, Hikari entered the room. She took one look at the bulge in Amane's pants, and she fainted from blood loss.

Amane shrugged. 'Huh. I guess she doesn't need to know about me leaving, then...'

_This story has really gone off-track from it's original premise, huh? It's more about Amane than anyone else, just because I'm using the whole mocking of her male-like appearance as a running gag... _


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

...Mary Sue isn't as much of a threat as everyone thought, huh?

* * *

This fic is basically at the 'Amane arc' by now in the story...

ALSO...THERE IS AN EPIC CROSSOVER SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...If you know what 'Cromartie High School' is, anyway...and I obviously don't like yaoi, although this fic is gonna have some, if only just to make fun of it in a way...

* * *

As Amane and Star Bride got off the train (SHE BROUGHT HER HORSE WITH HER), the blue-haired young woman took in a deep breath.

'I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!'

Suddenly, three naked men ran by, giggling in high-pitched voices and squirting at each other with water guns.

'...I can't do this...'

She was about to get back on the train, when the conductor kicked her out. "Sorry, but lesbians only get to go one-way!" Then, as he laughed insanely at her sad fate, the train rode off into the sunset.

'...Fuckin' train conductors.' Amane thought furiously.

Without any choice but to go through with it, Amane climbed on top of her horse and they headed towards BL High School, a powerful and popular all-male school that is considered the true rival of the three schools of Astraea Hill; not in academics or education, but it was well known for a certain reason that Amane would soon find out...

'If they immediately realize I'm a female, I can go back to Spica feeling like a proud, feminine woman. If they don't...then I'll just have to wait until they do!' Amane decided as she passed through the front gates.

In front of the building were two figures; one of them was a tall young man with a purple mohawk that seemed almost alive, and the other was a strangely normal-looking man with short black hair and a serious face. They were staring lovingly into each other's eyes...and then they kissed.

Amane wanted to puke. 'OH FUCK...THIS IS BAD, THIS IS REALLY, REALLY BAD...'

"Hey,"

Amane glanced down and saw a handsome young man with a pompadour smiling up at her. "You must be the new foreign exchange student, right?"

Amane nodded, although she had no idea what this weirdo was talking about.

"I like your horse," he said, gently stroking Star Bride's neck, "He really does make you look...enchanting..."

"T...Thank you..." Amane stammered. 'OH FUCK...THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLIMENT FROM A MAN! OH MY GOD! I THINK I WANT TO FUCKIN' TEAR MY EARS OFF!!!'

The young man stared at Amane for a while, and then remarked, "So...you're a bishounen, huh? My last boyfriend was a bishounen...but you're WAY cuter than he was..."

Amane really wanted to puke this time. 'OH MY GOD...EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL IS GAY!!!!'

Holding out his hand, the man said, "My name is Gary Stu. Nice to make your acquaintance, uh..."

"A-Amane. Amane Ohtori..." Amane replied nervously, reluctant to touch a dirty MALE hand.

Gary Stu played with the name on his tongue for a while. "Amane...Amane...Amane...that name totally suit you a handsome bishounen such as yourself..."

'THIS FAG IS SO FUCKIN' STUPID!!!'

"Let's make out!"

"...BUT I BARELY EVEN KNOW YOU! AND I'M GAY!"

"That's all that's needed to make a yaoi doujinshi work, right? Besides, you practically NEED to be gay to get into this school!"

...Which really isn't all that surprising, is it?

Bowing down, Gary Stu held out his hand. "May I help you off your horse...handsome?"

"Listen, when I said gay, I meant that I am a lesbian..." Amane explained.

Gary Stu blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, I think you sneezed...what did you say you were again?"

"A LESBIAN."

"...Huh?"

"A LESBIAN, DAMMIT!"

Suddenly, Gary Stu started laughing, and he exclaimed, "Oh, I get it! You ARE a foreigner after all! Listen, YOUNG MAN, in Japan, lesbian is the term for a gay girl, which you're not...AT ALL! Since you're obviously a gay male, you're just...gay! Got it?"

'He's purposely talking like that as if to mock me!!'

Amane really wished she hadn't left her machine gun back in her room...still, the fact she brought her horse and not a gun to protect herself 'in a world of men' was an amazing feat in itself...

'I WANNA GO HOME...'

* * *

_Interestingly enough, this story has now been saved an untimely end unlike a few certain earlier stories of mine that had much potential; thus, we shall continue onwards..._

"Ooh, Mary Sue-chan..."

A shiver crawled up Mary Sue's back, and she jumped into a nearby trash can. 'Oh god, it's that rapist again...please don't find me...please don't find me...please don't find me...I want Rickyyyy...waah...'

"THERE YOU ARE!" Shizuma exclaimed, peeking into the trash can and giggling.

"Fuck." crawling out of the basket, Mary Sue brushed herself off and grumbled, "You know that if you touch me, I'll have you arrested...and I'll have to use my new bottle of pepper spray on you,"

"PEPPER SPRAY?! WHAT'S THAT?!" Shizuma asked, and she touched Mary Sue's left breast.

Without a moment to lose, Mary Sue pulled out a small spray bottle and blasted Shizuma's face with the stuff.

"OH GOD, MY EYES!!! IT BURNS! HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!!!" The white-haired lesbian screamed as she rolled around on the floor in pain.

As it so happens, the pepper spray was '100% APPROVED IN FENDING OFF SHIZUMA'S ADVANCES'.

'Argh...I should have bought that when I first came here...' Nagisa thought as she and her new lover Tamao watched the scene from afar.

Still feeling as horny as ever, Tamao groaned, "Ohh, Nagisa-chan...forget about them, and let me molest you again..."

Nagisa, however, wasn't about to do that. "No, I...I can't! Just seeing poor Shizuma-oneesama in such pain and discomfort makes me feel...uh, pain and discomfort! I want to be by her side!!!"

Suddenly, Miyuki walked in from out of nowhere and said, "Trust me, kid, you're better off with Ms. Horny; Shizuma is 1-part lesbian bitch, and 3-parts lying, conniving, backstabbing evil fucking bitch!!!"

"...O RLY?!" Tamao asked, and Nagisa punched her in the face for her crappy Internet meme.

"But...don't you love Shizuma-oneesama, Miyuki-sempai?" Nagisa asked the older girl.

Miyuki nodded. "I do, but if she's just going to around and throw herself into the arms of every pretty girl she comes across, then she's not even worth my time...even though I still masturbate while dreaming about her,"

"Wow, this was a nice amount of Shizuma-bashing we just did..." Tamao noticed.

Nagisa and Miyuki both nodded, and wrote it down for further trolling on message boards later on.

"Oh, did you hear?!" Nagisa suddenly remembered, "Chikaru is finally accepting her sexuality!"

"She shoulda just done that in the beginning of the fic and leave us all out of it...too much trouble..." Miyuki grumbled, although she hadn't really even appeared until two chapters ago.

"Well, she did go crazy for a moment, and she almost killed Kaname and Momomi with a bible," Tamao pointed out.

"OH MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THAT! ARE THEY STILL ALIVE?!"

Tamao sighed. "Yes, unfortunately. However, they disappeared soon afterwards. They could be plotting something..."

"Who cares? I'll just defeat them with my 'Hadouken' as usual..." Miyuki shrugged, stretching out her shoulders.

"What?! I was gonna use my goddamn Sonic Boom!!" Nagisa whined.

Tamao stood up and exclaimed, "ACTUALLY, I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW...WITH MY SPINNING BIRD KICK!!!"

As the three girls broke out into a huge brawl, Mary Sue snarled and thought, 'God, I never knew that lesbians were annoying as hell...'

* * *

_Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location..._

"Uh, hello? Is this Air Force One?"

"Ah! Greetings, Mistress Kaname! What can we do for you today?!"

"I have...a request..."

"A request...?"

"Yes...I need a few nuclear missiles dropped on my school..."

"...O_O..."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

* * *

_Back at Spica..._

Yaya Nanto was reading a novel to herself when Hikari Konohana suddenly barged into the room, wearing nothing but kinky lingerie. Purposely lying her body on top of Yaya's legs, Hikari groaned, "YAYA-CHAAAAN...I'M BORED...AND HORNY,"

"Good for you," Yaya grunted without even looking up from her book, "Now get the hell off of me..."

Hikari gasped. "Y-Y-Yaya-chan, this is so unlike you! I mean, Amane-bitchi is off making a pitiful attempt to prove that she is feminine, which is not possible in the slightest, and you don't want to take advantage of this and rape me?!"

Yaya shrugged and replied, "I'm just not into it anymore. That is to say, I'm not into YOU anymore..."

Hikari thought she was going to have a heart attack. "S-Seriously?! Yaya-chan...you've been obsessed with me since day one! How could you have just...given up like this?!"

Finally, Yaya put down her book and gave Hikari a glare. "Listen here, Hikari-CHAN," she explained, "I have come to terms with the fact that you love Amane-bitchi more than me, and I am doing gripping and whining over losing you. Now, I focus my attention to the more important things in life, like academics, and business, and literature. I plan on growing up, becoming a successful C.E.O., and marrying a woman who WON'T break my heart!"

Hikari thought about everything Yaya had just told her.

"...So you DON'T want to have sex?"

"NO!"

"...Really? I'll do whatever you want...I mean it...even BDSM..."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Yaya-chan?"

"BE QUIET! I'M STILL THINKING IT OVER!"

"...I see..."

Yaya had never been so confused in her whole life. 'I haven't felt this excited since I saw Samus Aran in her Zero Suit...but I can't just go and shatter the resistance I've created around myself to protect my heart from being broken again! I just...I just can't do it...'

Hikari, however, wasn't going to sit around and wait for Yaya to make up her mind. Grabbing the girl by the hair, she pulled her into a deep and passionate kiss.

* * *

_Let's see how Amane-bitchi is doing, eh???_

Amane Ohtori was growing increasingly worried. She had already been at BL High School for almost five hours now, and not a single person had pointed out that she was actually a woman. They did call her a 'bishounen', though, which is a word she had never heard of in her life...

'This is really becoming quite annoying...' Amane thought, clenching her teeth.

"Hey, Amane-kun...aren't you going to get off your horse?" Gary Stu asked, walking alongside Amane as she rode through the hallway atop her beloved Star Bride.

"Uh, no!" Amane replied quickly. 'If I get off my horse, I'll lose all confidence in myself...and because I think this guy will rape me if I do...'

Gary Stu sighed in disappointment. "You're gonna have to get off at some point, and when you do...heh heh heh..."

'YEEP! I WAS RIGHT!!!'

After walking a while longer, Amane and Gary Stu stopped in front of classroom 3-A.

"You're gonna have to get off that horse-"

"JUST BACK OFF, MAN, JUST BACK OFF!!!"

The moment the two of them entered the classroom, the teacher (a balding old man with no interesting features) gasped and exclaimed, "That new student...why, he's not...he's not...he's not a boy! He's actually-"

'Thank god, he's going to point out I'm a girl, and then I can finally go back to my beloved Hikari-chan!' Amane thought happily.

"...He's actually a very pretty bishounen!" the teacher finished his statement, and Amane mentally screamed in fury.

"Anyway, take your seats," the teacher continued, "Gary Stu, get to your desk. Amane-kun, you can sit next to Yuuki-kun over there...but get off your horse first..."

"...Fine..."

Amane climbed off of Star Bride and took her seat near the back of the room. She glanced to the side to see who this 'Yuuki-kun' person was...and it turned out to be the most beautiful person she had ever seen. Yuuki had long black hair, wide orange eyes, a cute round face, and wore a customized school uniform that resembled a skirt and tank top.

Smiling sweetly, Yuuki exclaimed, "Hello, you must be the foreign student Amane Ohtori! It's very nice to meet you! Although, considering we're all Japanese, I don't see how you're a foreign student..."

"They mean 'foreign' as in 'from a different school'..."

"Ah, I see."

Amane couldn't believe it; there was actually ANOTHER girl in the school! 'I can't believe it! Isn't this kinda weird, though? I mean, this hottie is OBVIOUSLY feminine! Then again...this school is full of MEN, which pretty much would explain why none of them have ever noticed a female in their midst! Oh, I'm so lucky!'

Noticing Amane staring at her lustfully, Yuuki asked, "Uh...is everything okay, Amane-kun?"

"I...I really like you..." Amane stammered, too much in love to realize what she was saying.

Yuuki blushed, and turned her attention back to the board without another word.

Smirking to herself, Amane thought, 'Oh yeah...my week at this school is sure gonna be INTERESTING...'

A few rows in front, Gary Stu had seen the whole thing...and he was furious.

* * *

_Back at Miator..._

Lying on the ground in defeat (Miyuki had come out the victor), Nagisa and Tamao were having a conversation.

"Hey, Nagisa-chan...remember that date we went on two weeks ago? To that deli shop?"

Nagisa nodded. "I do, but...it wasn't a date,"

"Well, you don't know what happened afterwards because I DRUGGED you..."

"..."

"Anyway...FLASHBACK TIME!!!"

* * *

_Two weeks ago..._

_Tamao and Nagisa were standing inside a deli shop, and for some unexplained reason, Tamao had a really bushy moustache._

_"I always wanted to come in here," Tamao commented, "And now that I have this moustache, the timing feels right..."_

_"Some of this stuff DOES look pretty good. We'll have the salami and-" Nagisa began speaking to the deli owner, but Tamao stopped her._

_"Nagisa-chan, Nagisa-chan...let me handle this." Tamao said, and then she turned to the deli owner, "Ah Scusi, babadeboopi?"_

_The deli owner gasped. "What?"_

_"Tamao-chan, what're you doing?!" Nagisa cried._

_Tamao replied, "Speaking Italian. Babadeboopi, beebeda boobeda babada babada!"_

_"Tamao, you can't speak Italian just because you have a moustache. Besides...HE'S JAPANESE!" Nagisa snapped._

_"Bo baddi baba. Bobo beepy boopa baba beepy bappa!" Tamao continued._

___Nagisa let out a sigh as an argument of epic proportions soon began between Tamao and the deli owner..._

* * *

Tamao chuckled to herself. "Oh yeah...that was funny..."

"Now that I think about it," Nagisa pointed out, "Since when the hell did you have a moustache?"

Tamao sat up and scratched the edge of her moustache. "What do you mean?"

Nagisa stared for a while, and then just turned over onto her side. "It's...nothing. Forget it..."

* * *

"Kaname-chan..."

"Yes?"

"You do know you're having Air Force One drop bombs on OUR school, where WE live?!"

"...Oh, shit..."

_NEXT TIME ON PINEAPPLE PANIC, AMANE'S LIFE IN BL HIGH SCHOOL COMES TO A RUSHED ENDING, THE RESULTS OF SHIZUMA'S MANY ATTEMPTS TO WIN OVER THE STRAIGHT GIRL IS REVEALED, AND...WELL, SOME OTHER STUFF HAPPENS!!!_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I like to get at least three to four reviews before each update. Just saying.

* * *

_A week has passed since Amane Ohtori began her stay at BL High School, and she has come to enjoy it full-heartily with the entire depth of her being..._

As she sat on the crapper with her pants down, Amane thought about all the things that had happened in the last few days.

'Man, it's been so much fun...I made friends with all the gay guys, I participated in all the sports, I won the Guitar Hero tournament back on Tuesday, and I even got to make friends with the only other girl in this school, Yuuki-chan!...I wonder why she's even at this school, though...maybe she's just a freak for yaoi, or something...'

Amane reached over to grab some toilet paper.

'Still, I enjoy being at this school, and making my classmates proud! I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEM...NO MATTER WHAT!'

With her soul filled with school pride and love, she banged her fist against her chest...and felt boobs.

'Oh yeah...I'm a girl, too...' Apparently, she had been so immersed into this culture of men, she had forgotten her own gender!

'I suppose...I should go back to Spica now, since the week is up...' Amane figured, a bit sad that she had to leave. She had apparently forgotten her original purpose for coming to this school in the first place, as well.

After finishing up her business, Amane headed back out into the hall to find Yuuki-chan. 'If anything, before I go, I want to at least show Yuuki-chan I have some feelings for her...damn, I'm not committed to my relationship with Hikari-chan AT ALL!'

* * *

"Mmm...oh...oh yeah...kiss me there, Yaya-chaaan..."

"Ahhh...oh...Hikari-chan...you taste...so...so good..."

* * *

Amane wandered around the school grounds for a bit, she found Yuuki speaking with one of the teachers, who gave her a slight kiss on the cheek before walking away.

"Y-Yuuki-chan!" Amane called, running up to the black-haired girl.

"Ah! Amane-kun! I was just thinking about you!" Yuuki-chan exclaimed.

They stared into each other's eyes for a while. Deciding to speak up first, Amane swallowed her spit and explained, "Y-Yuuki-chan, it's been...more than an honor to have spent this week here at this school, by your side...but, it has now come time for me to return to my old school..."

Yuuki-chan gasped. "W-What?! Really?! But...but Amane-kun, I...I've grown to enjoy your company so much...I...I..."

Amane tried to keep herself from weeping. "I understand your pain, Yuuki-chan. You see, I actually...I actually believe I might have feelings for you..."

A sad smile formed on Yuuki-chan's lips. "That's funny...because I think I might have feelings for you too..."

Then, they wrapped their arms around one another and slammed their mouths into a passionate, loving kiss. For what felt like an eternity, they cared for nothing and no one but each other at that very moment. They loved and loved, and never wished to let go.

'Mmm...mmm...oh, god...she's a way better kisser than Hikari-chan...' Amane thought, and she ran her fingers over Yuuki-chan's stomach, and then slid them into the other girl's panties. Sensing what was going on, Yuuki-chan did the same. They had just gotten their fingers to slip past the lingerie...

...when Amane felt something. And that something was what Yuuki-chan didn't feel.

"OH MY GOD!!!"

Amane pushed Yuuki-chan away from her and jumped back, as if her life was in danger. Skidding to a halt, Amane shrieked, "YOU'RE...YOU'RE A GUY?!!"

"AND...YOU'RE A GIRL?!" Yuuki-chan cried back with a look of pure disgust on HIS face.

They were both silent for a moment.

"I'm...I'm gonna go now..." Amane stammered, her face bright red, and she turned around and ran off.

"Y-Yeah...you do that..." Yuuki-chan nodded, just as equally embarrassed about the situation.

Hopping on top of Star Bride, Amane crashed through the window, and rode off into the sunset, never looking back...

'I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST FUCKIN' KISSED A GUY...AND LIKED IT!!!'

* * *

_Back at Miator... _

Mary Sue let out a sigh of relief as she dipped into the school's hot springs. This was just the thing to help her relax after being stalked by that freaky lesbian bitch all day.

'She always tries to force people into loving her without letting them even get a say in the situation...it was probably like that for poor Nagisa-chan too...huh, I really hate that girl...'

Suddenly, she heard a too-familiar voice:

"Giggity-Giggity-Goo!"

Without warning, Shizuma burst out from underneath the steamy springs, and slammed her face in between Mary Sue's breasts.

"Ooooh, yeah...way bigger than Nagisa-chan's..." Shizuma commented.

"GET OFFA ME!!!" Mary Sue shrieked, and she once again smashed her foot into Shizuma's crotch...only to end up hurting herself.

"OH FUCK, WHAT THE HELL, BITCH?!"

Standing up, Shizuma revealed she had tied an iron plate over her crotch. "HOW DO YA LIKE THAT?! CAN'T HURT ME NOW, CAN YA?!! NOW YOU HAVE TO MAKE LOVE TO ME!!!"

With tears in her eyes, Mary Sue snapped, "WHY...WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME?! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T LOVE YOU, AND I NEVER WILL! I'M STRAIGHT, YOU IDIOT! I'M STRAIGHT! I LOVE RICKY, AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE HIM!"

"Seriously? You actually love a MAN?"

"OF COURSE I DO! AND WHEN I FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS FUCK HOLE, WE'LL RUN OFF TO AMERICA TOGETHER AND HAVE WILD KINKY SEX, AND I'LL GIVE BIRTH TO FIVE KIDS AND HELL GET SOME DEAD-END JOB AS A POSTAL WORKER, AND THEN HE'LL BE FIRED AND WE'LL HAVE HOT ANGRY SEX, UNTIL HE LEAVES ME AND I'M LEFT ALONE TO RAISE FIVE KIDS WHILE BEING OVERWEIGHT AND ANGRY WITH THE WORLD! THAT'S OUR PLAN!!!!"

'Wow...she's got it all figured out...'

Shizuma was silent for a moment, and then asked, "...So you don't wanna make out?"

"NO, I DON'T! JUST...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

"...Can we be friends, at least?"

"...Fine, we can be friends, as long as you STOP TRYING TO SEXUALLY MOLEST ME!"

"DEAL!" Shizuma exclaimed, and then she placed her hand on Mary Sue's left breast, resulting in her getting slapped across the face.

From atop a nearby tree, Miyuki was watching the entire scene. "Shizuma-sama...you pitiful perverted scum," she snarled, "You always act so high and mighty, thinking everyone and everything are just toys for you to manipulate and destroy to fulfill your idiotic homosexual desires; I'm sorry, Shizuma-sama, but you are a terrible bitch, just like that lying whore Katy Perry and her fuckin' song of suckishness, and I do not plan to stand around and let you get away with it anymore! It's time...for an assassination..."

Then, the branch Miyuki was standing on snapped underneath her weight and she crashed to the ground with a loud THUD.

"...Oww..."

* * *

"...Can you please just shave that thing off already?" Nagisa begged.

"Why should I?" Tamao snapped as she ran a comb through her bushy moustache and smoked a cigarette.

Suddenly, Amane walked up behind them. "Hey, guys...long time, no see..."

"AMANE-BITCHI, YOU'RE BACK!" Nagisa exclaimed, "Now tell Tamao to shave off her moustache!"

"Shave off your moustache," Amane ordered.

Tamao sighed and walked off. "Fine...jerk..."

Noticing that Amane seemed rather distressed, Nagisa asked her, "Amane-bitchi, what's wrong? You look...confused..."

Amane nodded. "I AM confused, Nagisa-chan. I spent a whole week at BL High School, and no one there realized I was a girl-"

"...Obviously..." Nagisa muttered under her breath.

"However, I did learn something rather interesting about myself..." Amane continued.

"And that is...?"

"...I...I think I might be bisexual..."

"OH...MY...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!!!!"

--

_Shizuma and Mary Sue are now 'friends', one of the biggest dykes in the whole school might possibly be bisexual, Miyuki has set up an assassination plot to kill Shizuma, Chikaru and Shion still haven't reappeared yet and there appears to be Air Force One Bomber Jets heading towards the three schools...WTF WILL HAPPEN NOW?!!! Don't worry, it's not as serious as it sounds..._

_Next Chapter: The Fire-Power Of This Duckling Is Abnormally Enormous!...Or Something Like That!_

_(A/N: The chapter title has NOTHING to do with the next chapter...) _

* * *

A/N: This chapter is more of a 'SETUP FOR THINGS TO COME' kind of thing, if you understand what I mean...the OTHER STUFF I mentioned last chapter will actually happen in the next chapter, so wait a little longer...


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I like to get at least three to four reviews before each update. Just saying. There's no point in continuing a fic if no one's gonna review it...although I truly appreciate everyone who does review and that they enjoy this fic so much. Thank you all.

Also, here's this fic's pending subtitle: THE SCHOOLS OF ATRAEA HILL; CREATING THE YOUNG LESBIANS OF TOMORROW!

...Get it? Because, well, they go to those three schools, where they're supposed to learn how to be elegant young ladies or something...heh...heh heh heh...

...IT'S A JOKE, DAMMIT!!!

_Anyway, it's OC profile bio time:_

_Name: Mary Sue_

_Age: 17_

_School: St. Miator's Girls' Academy, Moon Class_

_Height: Taller than Nagisa_

_Weight: Slightly heavier than Nagisa_

_B/W/H: All bigger than Nagisa's (I don't feel like going into exact measurements)_

_Likes: Ricky, plums, lollipops, straight sex, cellphones, proverbs with the word 'soul', etc. _

_Dislikes: horses, pickles, forceful lesbians, idiotic women, most of the Strawberry Panic cast in general, etc._

_Summary: Basically a straight-man character, which actually kind of fits her considering she's the only STRAIGHT GIRL in this fic. She usually points out the other character's flaws and idiocies, although she's not exactly the brightest bulb around either. She's also technically a more independent, intelligent and outspoken version of Nagisa, thus Shizuma's attraction to her. Also, on a different note, no one has noticed her name isn't Japanese whatsoever despite having been born in Japan. The same goes for Ricky too, who will have his character bio next chapter._

* * *

_Several hours later, after the events that transpired between Shizuma and Mary Sue..._

Nagisa, Tamao, Chikaru, Shion, Shizuma and Mary Sue were walking off to some unimportant and unspecified location on the school grounds.

"...I'm glad we finally got rid of that straight girl," Chikaru remarked, walking alongside all of her gay friends.

"GUYS, I'M RIGHT HERE!" Mary Sue snapped, walking up behind them.

"Yup! Feels good to finally have her out of our hair!" Tamao let out a sigh of relief.

"TURN AROUND, DAMMIT! I'M STILL HERE, GUYS!"

"Yeah, she was really annoying..." Shizuma admitted.

"OH, FUCK YOU GUYS!!! SCREW YOU ALL TO HELL!!"

Suddenly, Kaname and Momomi ran up to the group, and they were both out of breath and had fearful looks on their faces.

"Yo, evil lesbos," Nagisa exclaimed, putting on some bling-bling, "...Wassup?"

"This is bad, guys! Really bad! We're gonna get bombed!" Kaname cried.

"...By nuclear missiles from Air Force One!" Momomi added, and then Kaname slapped her for 'speaking out of line'.

"OH MY GOD!!!...For reals?"

Kaname nodded. "Yeah...I don't know how, but they're coming!"

"...Because Kaname-chan called them here!" Momomi added, and then Kaname smashed her across the face with a large stone slab.

"YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM!!" she snapped.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, KANAME-CHAN?!!" everyone cried in unison, "HOW DID YOU GET AIR FORCE ONE TO COME HERE?! AND WHY, DAMN YOU, WHY?!!"

"Well, I called them because I wanted revenge for Chikaru smacking me with a bible," Kaname explained, "And...well, the reason I know them is because...well,uh, let's just say that the drugs were good...and I really hated reading _Twilight_..."

"YEAH, RIGHT! THAT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!!!...It also doesn't make any sense, either."

Rubbing her chin, Chikaru remarked, "Wow...I never met someone so impossibly stupid that they'd go and bomb their own school after getting smacked with a bible...AND I ONLY HIT YOU ONCE!!!"

"If you think about it, this IS all Chikaru's fault..." Tamao remarked.

"YOU ARE THE DEVIL, CHIKARU-SAMA!!!" Chiyo shrieked when he jumped out from behind a nearby bush.

"All of you...SHUT UP NOW," Chikaru roared, and everyone immediately froze up in fear, "THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! The most important thing we should be focusing on right now, you gay morons, is figuring out how to stop THE FRACKIN' MISSILES FROM BLOWING US ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HELL AND BACK!!!"

Everyone tried to think of a good idea, except for Nagisa...because she's stupid.

"I got nothin'," Tamao sighed.

"Mum's the word!" Shizuma exclaimed.

"My brain's toll booth is currently being hijacked by mushroom terrorists," Shion admitted.

"...And my burrito fell apart," Momomi pointed out, staring at the sad, sad contents of said burrito lying on the ground.

"ARGH! YOU'RE ALL SO USELESS!" Chikaru snapped.

Suddenly, Mary Sue had an idea. "I know! We'll call my boyfriend Ricky to destroy the missiles!"

Everybody scowled at the mention of his name. "Ugh. We don't need your BOYFRIEND coming here to save us! Hell, we don't need any MEN at all! We're strong, confident young lesbians, and we will not allow ourselves to be forced to work mediocre jobs or become house wives just because the MEN told us to!!!"

"...I'm just gonna have him destroy the missiles," Mary Sue repeated.

"ALRIGHTY THEN! CALL HIM UP!!"

Taking out her cellphone, Mary Sue pressed a few buttons and then held the phone up to her ear. "Hey, Ricky-baby? Is tht you? Hey, it's me, Mary. How ya doin', honeybear? Yeah...I missed you too...don't forget to let the dogs out when you're done, alright? Anyway...we got some missiles heading towards us, and, uh, we could really use your help ...Uh-huh...uh-huh...no way...really? Oh, that's hilarious! Anyway, head on over as soon as you can, alright? ...Yep, see you in a minute!"

Then, Mary Sue put her cellphone away and exclaimed, "He'll be here in five minutes,"

"...Is this what a HETEROSEXUAL relationship is like?" Shizuma asked aloud.

"We're still gonna get killed either way," Chikaru pointed out.

"This is almost as bad as the time we found those doujin of us on the Internet," Shion remarked.

* * *

_Hikari, Shion, Shizuma, Chikaru and Tamao were standing around Nagisa as she waited for a link to open up on her computer. "Someone sent me an e-mail with this link on it, I wonder what it is..." the red-haired girl said aloud._

_Then, it came up._

_"__...HOLY CRAP, LOOK AT THIS!!! SOMETHING'S GROWING OUT OF CHIKARU'S CROTCH!__"_

_"OH MY GOD, IS THAT SOME FAT BLACK GUY'S PENIS GOING UP MY ASS?!"_

_"I'M...I'M BEING RAPED IN THIS ONE PANEL!! UGH! I THINK I'M GOING TO PUKE!! AND WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ENJOYING IT?!!"_

_"EWW! I'M TAKING A SHIT IN AMANE-BITCHI'S MOUTH!!! AND SHE'S EATING IT, TOO!!"_

_Suddenly, Amane walked into the room and glanced at the screen. "...Looks hot."_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_

* * *

A shiver crawled up Nagisa's spine and she mumbled, "Never mention that again..."

Suddenly, Kaname gasped. "OH DEAR LORD, LOOK UP THERE!! THE MISSILES ARE COMING!!"

Everyone glanced upwards, and indeed, three large missiles were heading their way.

"This is like the ultimate form of homophobic expression; trying to kill off all lesbians with one fell swoop!" Shizuma cursed under her breath.

"It's the end of the world as we know it," Chiyo sung under her breath as she slid her hands up Nagisa's skirt, "And I feel fiiiine..."

Suddenly, the loud roar of an engine filled the air, and a giant motorcycle with an equally giant man atop of it flew over the group's heads and skidded to a stop several feet away. Stepping off of the bike was a tall handsome man wearing only a leather jacket, fingerless gloves, and dirty leather pants. He had huge six-pack abs and a pair of black sunglasses that completely hid his eyes from view. He also had a blond pompadour and a cleft chin.

"RICKY, YOU'RE HERE!!" Mary Sue cried, wrapping her arms around the man's waist.

"THAT'S RICKY?! HOW OLD IS HE?!!" Tamao exclaimed.

"I'm 16," Ricky grunted in a high-pitched voice fit for a 12-year-old shota boy.

Shizuma winced. "Eww...you like younger men, Mary-chan?"

"THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!!!" Nagisa and the others snapped in unison.

Glancing up at the sky, Ricky caught sight of the missiles coming ever closer. "...That them, baby?"

Mary Sue nodded. "Yup! Take care of 'em, Ricky-boy!"

Ricky bent down slightly before jumping upwards, shooting himself about twenty feet into the air. At that moment, one of the missiles flew right underneath him, and he landed on top of it. Digging his fingers into the metal, Ricky pulled back and now held the giant missile over his head while still in mid-air.

'TWO MORE LEFT!' Spinning around, Ricky pulled his fingers out of the missile, and had it smash into the other missile, destroying them both in a huge explosion of debris, smoke and flames. Now only a few feet from hitting the rocky floor below, Ricky pressed a button on his belt...and a pair of giant mechanical wings burst out of the back of his jacket.

"HOO...YOOOH!" With a burst of speed, Ricky flew head-first into the final missile...and tore right through it. As Ricky flew back down to the ground, the missile's remains shattered into pieces.

Everyone but Mary Sue was in complete and utter shock. 'HE DESTROYED IT...WITH HIS HEAD!!!'

"YAAAAY! YOU DID IT, RICKY!!!" Mary Sue cried, and she jumped into her lover's arms.

Shrieking loudly, Chiyo put on a pair of dark sunglasses and exclaimed, "RICKY-SAMA...BE MY MENTOR FROM NOW ON!!!"

'DESPITE BEING A MAN...HE'S FRICKIN' AWESOME!!!' Shizuma and the others had to agree.

Suddenly, one of the old nuns that worked at the school came walking up to the group. "Yeesh...what's all that racket, dammit...?" she grumbled.

Gasping, Mary Sue cried, "OH NO! RICKY, YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, QUICK! MEN AREN'T ALLOWED ON THIS PROPERTY! YOU GOTTA RUN! YOU GOTTA-"

The nun tapped her glasses and exclaimed loudly, "WHAT...WHAT THE CRICK IS THIS?!!"

"OH NOOO!!"

The nun stomped up in front of Ricky and snarled, "Young lady, how dare you not be wearing your school uniform! Go back to your dorm room and change right now! I'll let you go easy this time because you're new, but you better follow the rules! Kids these days..."

Mumbling under her breath, the nun wobbled off, leaving everyone rather dumbfounded.

"Uh...I guess this means you're a student here now, Ricky..."

"SWEETNESS!!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, inside the Spica dorms..._

"I can't believe you're bisexual, Amane-bitchi!! I thought we had something special!" Hikari snapped with tears in your eyes.

"I JUST LIKE WOMEN AND REALLY GIRLY MEN WHO LOOK LIKE WOMEN! THAT BASICALLY STILL MAKES ME A LESBIAN!" Amane exclaimed.

"Yes, but still...you cheated on me!"

"YOU CHEATED ON ME, TOO! AND WITH YAYA-CHAN...holy crap, I just realized that that's the dumbest name ever!"

Hikari gasped. "You think so, too?!"

Standing up, Yaya shouted, "Hey, hey, hey! What the hell are you making fun of my name for?! Blame my parents, you assholes!"

"Alright, I will!" Amane took out her cellphone and punched in some numbers, and she put the phone up against her ear. "Hello, is this Mr. and Mrs. Nanto? Yes, I have something very important to say to both of you...YOU TWO PICK NAMES LIKE A BITCH! GOOD DAY, YOU FOOLISH MUGGLES!!!...I SAID GOOD DAY!" Then, Amane slammed the phone shut and shoved it back into her bra.

"THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE TIME WE BECAME ETOILE!" Hikari cried.

* * *

_The principal of Spica, some unnamed woman, was jerking off to a picture of her ex-lover when Amane rushed into the room, carrying Hikari bridal-style. _

_"PRINCIPAL-SAMA, WE'VE WON THE ETOILE (MS. GAY) COMPETITION FIVE MINUTES AGO!" Amane cried happily. _

_"That's...nice," replied the principal, still touching herself despite students being present._

_"SO...DO WE WIN ANYTHING?"_

_The principal glanced up in confusion. "...Huh?"_

_"I mean, don't we get a prize?" Amane asked hopefully._

_The principal shook her head and replied, "Uh...not really. You get a crown made with fake plastic jewels, and people worship you at your feet..."_

_"...But I already have that..."_

_"Tough luck, bitch."_

_Without another word, Amane dropped Hikari on the floor and stormed out the room, slamming the door behind her._

* * *

Amane was silent for a while. "Right...so where were we?"

"I have no idea..."

Neither do I..."

Yaya shrugged. "Let's go get some ice cream!"

"ICE CREAM! YAAAAAAAY!!!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, in front of the Strawberry Dorms, a secret alliance was being formed..._

Smirking confidently, Miyuki Rokujo bowed slightly and said, "So...you are the Aodaishō, the powerful mercenary group composed solely of lesbian warriors?"

Several figures who hid themselves underneath cloaks stood before the short-haired woman. A powerful and dangerous aura seemed to flow off of their bodies, making it hard for Miyuki just to breathe normally around them. One of the disguised figures then asked, "You have requested our aid in an...assassination, Rokujo-sama?"

Miyuki nodded. "Yes, I have someone I wish for you to kill...her name is Shizuma Hanazono,"

A smaller robbed figure in the group let out a small gasp, but quickly regained her composure. Luckily, her reaction was unnoticed by any of the others, except for the other girl beside her, who grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly.

Suddenly, the tallest of the mysterious women, whose hood had several long pink spikes sticking out of the top, pressed her palm against Miyuki's forehead. "If you wish to kill her so badly," she snarled, "Then do it yourself. We'll take care of her friends to make sure that there are no witnesses..."

"W...What're you..."

"I SHALL OPEN YOUR MIND TO YOUR TRUE POWER,"

At that instant, something swelled up within Miyuki's chest, and she let out a scream of pain...and the moment the tall woman moved back, Miyuki's body erupted into flames. However, her body remained perfectly intact; in fact, she had never felt better in her entire life.

"This...this is my...my POWER..." Miyuki sneered, staring at her hands in complete awe.

"Everyone has a power...that's the truth of it..." explained one of the women.

Miyuki couldn't believe it; she was actually able to create flames and control them...it was the most amazing thing. Even better, she felt like a true master at this sudden power of hers, as if she had been using it all her life.

Now...the assassination of Shizuma was to begin...

--

--

--

_Man, this story is actually getting a PLOT now?! And a weird one at that! Ah, well...it'll still be rather full of cracktastic ridiculousness, not to worry! The insanity never stops in...PINEAPPLE PANIC!!_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I like to get at least three to four reviews before each update. Just saying. There's no point in continuing a fic if no one's gonna review it...although I truly appreciate everyone who does review and that they enjoy this fic so much. Thank you all.

Also, here's this fic's pending subtitle: THE SCHOOLS OF ATRAEA HILL; CREATING THE YOUNG LESBIANS OF TOMORROW!

...Get it? Because, well, they go to those three schools, where they're supposed to learn how to be elegant young ladies or something...heh...heh heh heh...

...IT'S A JOKE, DAMMIT!!!

_Anyway, it's OC profile bio time:_

_Name: Ricky_

_Age: 16_

_Height: 7'0_

_Weight: 275 pounds (Pure muscle, baby!)_

_B/W/H: He doesn't have any measurements for these_

_Likes: Mary Sue, motorcycles and fast vehicles in general, that Ricky Martin guy, sunglasses even at nighttime, sex, most of the Strawberry Panic cast but only in a friendly way, etc._

_Dislikes: Gay men, not getting to show off his abs, the 'no sunglasses' policy, losing a fight, thinking, etc._

_Summary: Basically the ultimate stereotypical male of Duke Nukem style; cool, sexy, chauvinistic and a helluva fighter. He's also Mary Sue's ultimate weapon; he'll do whatever she asks, regardless of morals or problems that could be caused because of her demands. He is truly devoted to her, and it only helps their relationship that she loves him just as much. He's also rather quiet, and he doesn't seem to be bothered about taking up Chiyo as his apprentice._

_Theme song: Livin La Vida Loca_

_I might as well put 'em all (not the song they like, but more of the song that fits them somewhat...maybe,):_

_Nagisa: Pretty Girl_

_Shizuma: I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It_

_Tamao: Dirty Little Secret_

_Miyuki: Take A Bow (for this current arc anyway)_

_Chiyo: Fighting Dreamer_

_Amane: Let's Play Some Tetris, Motherfucker_

_Hikari: Umbrella/Disturbia_

_Chikaru: Stacy's Mom_

_Shion: Feel Good Inc._

_Yaya: I Wish I Was A Lesbian _

_Kaname: Rich Girl _

_Momomi: Shut Me Up_

_Yuuki-chan: I'm Too Sexy_

_Mary Sue: Hollaback Girl_

_Find out the artists/bands of these songs for yourselves, please! Ob__viously, not all of these actually fit their personalities..._

_Also, this plotline isn't actually going to affect the entire story of this fic. Really, it won't. And you'll find out how in a few chapters from now...as long as you keep reviewing, that is...it'll go back to being more about the crack soon enough, but for now...enjoy the actiony cliche plotline..._

**_WARNING: MAJOR SERIOUSNESS AHEAD!!!_**

* * *

_At the ice cream parlor..._

"...What's wrong, Amane-bitchi? Don't you want any ice cream?" Hikari asked as she stuck a spoonful of mint ice cream into her mouth.

Amane shook her head as she watched Yaya and Hikari eat. "No thanks...remember how I was when I first came to this school, Yaya-chan? I definitely don't want to be like that again..."

Just thinking about it made Yaya try her hardest to stifle her laughter. "Y-Yeah...you were...you were a real fatass...ha ha ha...GWA HA HA - oh, sorry..."

"For realz?" Hikari asked with wide eyes.

Blushing deeply, Amane nodded and replied, "I broke poor Star Bride's back quite a few times back then...I was a very chubby kid..."

"You were more OBESE than just CHUBBY, I think...you were freakin' huge, with three chins or something..." Yaya interjected. "I still have some of your sweat back then kept in a jar under my bed, too...man, I wish I could have sunk my face into all that flesh...ooh yeah..."

"SHUT UP, YAYA." Amane warned.

"By the way, I had taped you back when you were fat and put it up on the Internet..."

"NO WONDER THAT GIRL ON YOUTUBE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR!!!"

"This is really off-topic," Hikari spoke up, "But I just recalled how dangerous little Kagome-chan could be..."

* * *

_Remon Natsume climbed out of the shower, and washed herself off with a towel. She was about to head back to her room and change, when she opened the door and saw Kagome Byakudan standing in the way._

_"Oh, Kagome-chan! Uh...hey," Remon gasped._

_"Hey there," Kagome replied in a cheerful tone, "So, uh...it's been 24 hours; got Percival's money?"_

_"Uh, sorry," Remon explained, "I don't have it today. Give me by next Friday, and I'll have it for ya..."_

_Kagome blinked a few times. "That's funny...I thought I told you to have it today..."_

_"Yeah, I don't have it. Sorry!" Remon shrugged._

_Kagome nodded. "Huh. I see..." Then, she took out a glass of water and drank it._

_"Mmm...that's some good H2freakin'O right there..." Kagome proclaimed, and then she smashed the glass in Remon's face, causing glass shards to pierce into her skin._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"_

_"WHERE'S PERCIVAL'S MONEY, BITCH?!!" Kagome shrieked, and she jumped on Remon and started smashing her in the face with her little fists._

_"OH MY GOD - AUGUUGH!!! HOLY FUCK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU-"_

_"WHERE'S THE MONEY, DAMMIT?!"_

_Pulling a knife out of Percival's stomach, Kagome began cutting into Remon's face out of diabolical insanity..._

* * *

"...Did she ever get that money?" Amane asked, taking a sip of soda.

Hikari shrugged. "Who gives a fuck?"

Suddenly, the doors of the little parlor burst open, and Miyuki stepped in, followed by six figures hidden underneath cloaks. For some reason, the Miator Council President had a cocky, almost maniacal smirk on her lips. Almost immediately, the three Spica girls could tell that something was dangerously different about her.

"...Hello, girls," Miyuki stated, her voice cold and calculating.

"If you want me to lick your crotch, Miyuki-sama, I only do it on Thursdays!" Yaya told her.

"I'm not here for that, Yaya-chan, not this time..." Miyuki replied, and then two of the robbed figures following close behind stepped out in front of her. They threw off their robes, revealing themselves to be a young girl of about 14 with long braided hair and another girl who was completely bald and had an X-shaped scar in the middle of her face.

"...OH MY GOD, WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY TOWNIES...AND SOME BALD GIRL!!" Hikari shrieked.

Yaya snorted. "Heh heh...you're bald...heh heh..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" snapped the bald girl, "I...I HAVE FOLLICLE PROBLEMS, OKAY?! FUCK YOU GUYS!!"

Amane rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure..."

"Anyway," Miyuki spoke up, "the girls and I here have decided to kill Shizuma-sama, and then take over all three schools, so I may rule them all with an iron fist..."

'...WHEN THE HELL DID WE DECIDE THAT?!' all of 'Miyuki's girls' (as they were called) wondered to themselves.

"So, you're a villain now, huh, Miyuki? I figured such a thing would happen..." Amane grunted, getting up to a stand.

"Oh? Since when?"

"BACK IN...CHAPTAH 1!" Amane snapped, and she charged right at Miyuki, only to be punched hard in the stomach by the bald girl. Coughing up a huge wad of spit, Amane fell to her knees and groaned in pain.

"HOLY CRAP, AMANE-BITCHI!!" Hikari cried, although the fact she was lighting a cigarette and looking rather bored proved she actually wasn't all that worried about Amane's safety.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DISSING TASHA...WHO IS ME!!!" Tasha snapped, her bald head gleaming in the artificial light.

"...I'm Kuroka, by the way..." spoke up the girl with braided hair.

"UH...ARE WE REALLY ALLOWED TO BE THIS SERIOUS?!" Yaya asked loudly.

Suddenly, Kuroka warped in front of Yaya and her hair braids came to life, wrapping around Yaya's neck and lifting her several feet off the ground.

"Ahh...ahh...ahh..." Yaya was actually being choked to death.

Clutching her head in her hands, Hikari screamed, "S...STOP IT! STOP IT, PLEASE!! JUST...JUST CUT IT OUT!!!"

However, the tall woman mentioned last chapter now tore off her robes and revealed herself to be a lanky punk goth with a huge mohawk made out of pink-colored spikes. Smirking, she placed her hand on Hikari's head...and the blonde-haired girl's eyes whitened out, and she crashed to the ground with a THUD.

Amane, who had since recovered, gasped and exclaimed, "AHH! HIKARI-CHAN!! WHAT DID YOU BASTARDS DO TO HER?!!"

The tall woman smirked and stuck out her tongue; it had a skull piercing in the middle. "I shut off her brain and heart for a while, that's all. It may seem like she's dead, but I can just wake her back up easy..."

"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!" Amane screeched, hot tears pouring out of her eyes. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew it wasn't good. In her mind, she thought, 'Miyuki...you fuckin' bitch...what...what are you trying to accomplish...?'

"Amane-sama, you should just surrender and join us in our conquest...I'm sure you have POWER within you as well..." Miyuki chided, staring at her nails as if this was no big deal.

"G...Goddammit...I'll never follow you...just...just return Hikari-chan and Yaya-chan to me..."

"No."

'ARGH! SO IMPOSSIBLE!!!'

Struggling back to her feet, Amane threw her head back and screamed, "STAR BRIDE, COME HITHER!!!"

Suddenly, the huge white stallion burst through the window, smacked into Kuroka and saved Yaya from being choked to death...and slid head-first into the wall, knocking itself out in one fell swoop.

"OH, FUCK IT, STAR BRIDE!!!"

"Ha ha ha! Your horse sucks!!!" Miyuki cackled.

"Come on, I think we should leave Tasha, Kuroka and Bai (the tall mohawk woman) to take care of these three...let's go find the others..." stated one of the robed figures, who might have been the leader of this mysterious group.

Miyuki nodded, and she and the others left, leaving Amane alone to face off against three supernatural opponents.

'ARGH...I'M STARTING TO THINK ALL THIS SERIOUSNESS IS JUST SOME KIND OF WEIRD JOKE...' Amane pondered.

She glanced over at Yaya and Hikari, who were both lying on the ground, neither of them moving. 'Dammit...this is really bad...WHERE THE HELL ARE ADULTS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!'

* * *

"This is some GOOD crack..." remarked one of the nuns as she snorted the powder up her nose.

The other nuns nodded in agreement.

* * *

'I hate those fuckin' nuns...' Amane thought, scowling.

"I can't believe this, wasting our time having to kill a bunch of pathetic little girls," sighed Bai, scratching the back of her head, "I could be out having sex with all three hundred of my lesbian lovers, but noooo...geez, the boss is so strict sometimes..."

"Well, she's the boss; you can't disobey her, or else you get killed," Kuroka spoke up.

"Yeah, yeah...I know..."

A powerful sense of fear filled Amane's heart. 'Oh...oh my god...I'm going to be killed...I'm going to be KILLED...!'

"But first..." Bai said, and she unsheathed a small pistol from in-between her breasts. Then, she aimed the pistol at Yaya's head...and fired once.

Tasha winced. "Dammit, Bai...now her blood's everywhere..."

Amane froze in shock. 'OH...HELL...YES, SHE'S FINALLY GONE!!!'

However, Bai then turned to the unconscious Star Bride and aimed the gun at the poor horse's head. "I might as well kill this stupid, ugly horse too..."

Something within Amane snapped. "HE'S...HE'S...HE'S NOT UGLY, YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!! NOR IS HE STUPID!!!" Throwing her head back and screaming in fury, a huge amount of chi burst out of her body, and her hair began to spike upwards, taking on a design similar to a Super Saiyan's. Even more, her hair went from being a dark cerulean-blue to silky blood-red.

When the smoke cleared, Amane had completely changed into something powerful...and deadly. "I AM...SUPER AMANE!!! A PURE, GAY SOUL AWAKENED BY TRUE RAGE!!!"

'S...SUPER AMANE?!'

Bai sighed and thrust her pistol back into her cleavage. "This is gonna be so troublesome..." she muttered.

**BATTLE ONE SET: SUPER AMANE VS. TASHA, KUROKA & BAI**

Unknown to the other members of Miyuki's assassination squad, two of their own teammates had a secret agenda...an agenda that would throw everything even more out of proportion than it already is...

...And, well, their names will be revealed in due time.

OOOOOOOOOOH, NO SPOILERS FOR YOOOOOOU!!!

--

--

--

_Amane is now capable of fighting off her attackers after awakening to her own POWER, but how will the others fare?! What will happen now, dammit?! Somebody! Somebody, tell me! SOMEBODY TELL ME NOOOOOOOOOW!!! In any case, you can find this seriousness being to the point of absurdity._

* * *

**_DON'T WORRY, Y'ALL; YAYA WILL RETURN AT ONE POINT, NO MATTER HOW IDIOTIC HER NAME IS!!!_**

_Damn...a serious chapter...IN A CRACKFIC?!! Well, that's the most unexpected thing ever! Really, you could see this more as a parody of shonen manga series with all the seriousness and power-ups and crazy fights and stuff. Tell me what you think, and we'll see how long this goes on... _

_Mostly everyone has a POWER of their own, just so you know, including Nagisa...who can transform into a w- (GETS SMACKED BEFORE REVEALING SPOILERS)_

_Also, I made an...interesting...Strawberry Panic video on youtube! My username is Hikasu3445. _


	10. Chapter 10

**_PLEASE DO NOT STOP READING THIS FIC OR STOP GIVING REVIEWS JUST BECAUSE THE PLOT IS CURRENTLY ALOT MORE SERIOUS! THINGS WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL SOON, I PROMISE, SO BE PATIENT!!!_**

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I like to get at least three to four reviews before each update. Just saying. There's no point in continuing a fic if no one's gonna review it...although I truly appreciate everyone who does review and that they enjoy this fic so much. Thank you all.

Also, here's this fic's pending subtitle: THE SCHOOLS OF ATRAEA HILL; CREATING THE YOUNG LESBIANS OF TOMORROW!

...Get it? Because, well, they go to those three schools, where they're supposed to learn how to be elegant young ladies or something...heh...heh heh heh...

...IT'S A JOKE, DAMMIT!!!

Anyway, here's the whole list of the Aodaishō group (in random order):

Employer - Miyuki Rokujo

1. Kuroka

2. Bai

3. Tasha

4. ???

5. ???

6. ???

7. ???

8. ???

So, there you have it...the group has 8 members.

--

Name: Shizuma Hanazono

Age: 17

Height: Unknown

Weight: Who cares?

B/W/H: Totally unimportant.

Likes: Young women, cute women, sexy women, sweet women, naive women, dildos, marijuana, etc.

Dislikes: Men, penises, condoms, second-hand smoke, not getting her way, etc.

Summary: A main character who has suffered a heavy blow in this fic; complete destruction of any originality she once had. Shizuma never sticks with one girl, and enjoys making out with different women, and Nagisa had been her longest girlfriend so far for three months until they broke up. A bit selfish and stupid, Shizuma either truly knows nothing about men or is so disturbed by them that she has blocked any information involving them out of her mind. However, she doesn't seem to mind Ricky in the slightest, although she would rather be Mary Sue's lover instead. A bit of a jerk ass, her greatest embarrassment was when she was found out to be taking steroids...which was obvious when she came to class one day with six-pack abs. Her obnoxious, selfish attitude was cute at first in the eyes of the students, but now it just pisses the hell out of them.

--

Name(s): Amane Ohtori, Amane-bitchi, Mr. Amane, The Prince, Hell-Killer X6

Age: 17

Height: irrelevant

Weight: 112 pounds (1st Year: 363 pounds)

B/W/H: Better than nothing, amirite?

Likes: Anime, horses, women, dirty fetishes, manga, porn, very pretty men, Hikari, etc.

Dislikes: people who hate horses, herself, Yaya, American animation, the current Prime Minister of Japan, etc.

Summary: Ahh...Amane. A main character whose entire existence has become a running gag in this fic. If I'm not busy mocking her ambiguious design, then I'm putting her down for just being herself. She's suffered alot, and still continues to suffer in this story, but in a way that brings laughs to the readers. No one in any of the three schools (except for a few people) have any respect for Amane, and even give her the honorific of '-bitchi' to show their discontent. Why they do this, not even I have a clue. At least she isn't stuck having that dumbass horse Star Bride as her only companion now, considering all the friends she's made. Amane also happens to be a closet otaku, and she hides numerous graphic novels, DVDs and merchandise underneath her bed. Her top favorites are Dragon Ball Z, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Death Note, Bleach and HunterXHunter. Amane also seems to have interests in certain types of disgusting fetishes, like futanari and scat. A personal favorite of mine in this series, if only to make fun of, and her 'Super Amane' form is FTW.

--

Name: Nagisa Aoi

Age: 15

Height: Shorter than Mary Sue

Weight: Lighter than Mary Sue

B/W/H: Smaller than Mary Sue

Likes: Shizuma, Tamao, sweets, being respected, small animals, being right, women, etc.

Dislikes: Kaname, Momomi, being disrespected, large animals, being wrong, men, etc.

Summary: The main heroine of Strawberry Panic has been turned into a minor character who is constantly mocked for how pathetically pitiful she is in the original series. After finally realizing that she had been letting Shizuma use her for the past few months (took her long enough), Nagisa has become determined to be respected and independent, but not unless Tamao says she can. Since her arrival, she had been used from day one, and her parents and grandparents have apparently completely forgotten about her. She sees Miyuki as a mother-figure of sorts, but still would rather not to have to suck on her nipples for milk. Like many other characters now, Nagisa has been reduced to an idiotic straight-man, someone who points out the faults most of the time, but still ends up doing something idiotic every now and then. She also dislikes Kaname and Momomi for no good reason.

--

Name: Hikari Konohana

Age: 15

Height: Duh.

Weight: Ooh.

B/W/H: What's it to you, pervert?

Likes: Unfiltered cigarettes, chains, gothic makeup, sweets, roses, being on top in bed, bossing Amane around, ice cream, horses, etc.

Dislikes: Being ignored, filtered cigarettes, not having sex for more than twelve hours, sappy songs, oatmeal cookies, etc.

Summary: Hikari was originally going to be completely opposite as a chain-smoking chauvinistic badass, but basically she's just been on the sidelines or been completely out of the picture all together lately. She thinks of Amane as more or less a loser, and only stays with her out of pity for the poor girl. She is also the one responsible for the nickname 'Amane-bitchi'. Hikari proves herself to not be completely devoted to Amane, either, when she coaxed Yaya into having sex with her while Amane was staying at BL High School for a week. Never the less, they still care for each other somewhat, and Amane becomes slightly infuriated when Hikari is injured...only slightly, mind you. She and Shizuma are both rather similar personalities, and it's by stupidity alone that they've never noticed each other. Hikari will also be revealed to play an important part in the future chapters of this fic, but that's all the info I can give for now...

--

Name: Yaya Nanto A.K.A. Dumbest name ever

Age: Currently deceased??

Height: Uuh.

Weight: Ugh.

B/W/H: Just enough, man, just enough.

Likes: Hikari, Amane, women, dildos, gay stuff involving lesbians, lesbian erotica, hotdogs, BDSM, using tampons in a sexual way, being a rapist, Touhou Project, etc.

Dislikes: girls who get away, pepper spray, yuri anime/manga that end with the girls just staying as FRIENDS and getting married to MEN (don't we all hate those?), yaoi, something that begins with a 'P' and doesn't end in '-enis', etc.

Summary: Titled 'A True Lesbian' by the light novel, Yaya is 100% positive that her homosexuality is not something idiotic like a fleeting passion that ends up breaking away at the end of the series, so she'll be gay until the end of time. She had been able to cure herself of her obsession with Hikari after the Ms. Gay (Etoile) competition, but now those feelings had been revived in full bloom after Hikari herself seduced her for sex. She also had feelings for Amane, or at least back when she used to be fat, revealing Yaya's most secret fetish for BBWs. An idiotic straight-man character, she tends to freak out along with the others. Yaya also has rather bad luck, and at the moment, she's dead. OH WELL!!!

--

Name: Tamao Suzumi

Age: 15

Height: Meh.

Weight: Wooh.

B/W/H: Walk along, good man.

Likes: Nagisa, anime, inflation, gardening, showing off, perverse situations, orgasms, lesbian sex, being gay, etc.

Dislikes: Shizuma, Nagisa trying to be independent, not having control, losing, getting dirty, not having a penis, etc.

Summary: She tries to hide it, but Tamao's insane and selfish personality may be on par with that of Shizuma. She loves Nagisa dearly, and would rather keep the poor girl in a cage then let her go off and 'be her own person'. Just as blatantly rude and obnoxious as the rest of the cast, Tamao doesn't hesitate in putting down other people, and she enjoys it too. Tamao once considered having machine guns built into her breasts, but the cost for surgery was too high, so she gave up on that dream. She also has a thing for inflation (she keeps some air pumps in her closet) and doesn't seem to find it weird to have a fully grown moustache on her face, which had already been shaved off under Miyuki's order. Apparently, Miyuki is the only person who can boss Tamao around; I wonder why...

--

Name: Miyuki Rokujo

Age: 17

Height: Oomph.

Weight: Gaaah.

B/W/H: Stare at 'em long enough, and you'll understand.

Likes: Shizuma, women, blasting people, being evil, dancing, imitating dangerous stunts, fighting like Ryu from Street Fighter, etc.

Dislikes: Shizuma, all men except Ryu from Street Fighter, losing, getting beaten up, being broken-hearted, crying, etc.

Summary: The 'villain' of this little subplot, Miyuki is more normal than most of the other students, although hiring an 8-man assassination group to kill a SINGLE PERSON is a little too much. She loves Shizuma as much as he hates her, and vice-versa. She is currently torn apart whether tearing Shizuma's head off or making love to her, but it seems that the 'tearing off the head' thing is more probable. Miyuki may seem strong and iron-willed, but it was because of Shizuma ignoring her feelings that Miyuki had been driven to such extremes. She's kind of like someone you can hate, but not COMPLETELY, y'know? Meh...I like her, and that's all that matters! Miyuki also has a slight crush on Ryu from the Street Fighter video game series, hinting at her possible bisexuality.

* * *

_As Super Amane prepares to avenge Star Bride's pride, the other 5 members of the Aodaishō and Miyuki go after Shizuma..._

The group (Shizuma, Nagisa, Tamao, Chiyo, Shion, Chikaru, Kaname, Momomi, Mary Sue and Ricky) were all sitting together at a large bench and talking.

"YOU DAMN MOTHERFUCKERS! KISS MY ASS! UH...I PITY THE FOOL WHO THINKS ONLY PURE-HEARTED PEOPLE DRINK APPLE JUICE!!!" Chiyo bellowed in a deep voice.

"...Can you please shut up?" Ricky asked her.

"YES, BOSS!!! I'M SORRY, BOSS! PLEASE DON'T DIE LIKE KAKASHI DID IN THE LATEST CHAPTER OF NARUTO, BOSS!!!" Chiyo exclaimed, saluting her beloved mentor.

'Fuck,' Chikaru thought furiously, 'That little shit spoiled it for me!'

By the way, Ricky only had to wrap the bowtie from the St. Miator school uniforms around his arm to make the nuns think he's wearing the dress, so he's still in the same clothes as when he first appeared.

"Anyway, I read once in a magazine," Ricky continued, "That over 70 percent of all lesbian relationships in high school eventually revert back to just friendship, and both girls in that relationship will break up and find men to live comfortable, happy heterosexual lifestyles..."

Shizuma started to chuckle. "Ha ha...ha ha ha...ha ha ha ha...oh god, that's a load of bullcrap..."

Suddenly, a familiar voice cackled, "SHIZUMA...PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DEATH!!!"

Gasping, the group spun around and saw Miyuki standing before them, with five cloaked figures behind her.

"Oh my god..."

"Oh my god..."

"Oh my god...IT'S COLONEL SANDERS!!!" Nagisa shrieked.

Miyuki glanced to her side, and saw that Colonel Sanders was indeed standing next to her.

"Hey, baby," he purred, "Wanna have some KFC?...It's in my pants..."

Without a word, Miyuki placed her palm against Colonel Sanders' chest, and the poor old man exploded in an eruption of flames.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!...I ordered a biscuit from him once..." Ricky weeped, falling to his knees.

"MY GOD! MIYUKI, YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS?!" Tamao cried.

Smirking, Miyuki replied, "Yes, Tamao-chan, I DO have super powers...and I'll use these powers to kill Shizuma once and for all, to make her regret ever leaving me!!!"

"OH DAMMMMMMMMMMN, MIYUKI-CHAN'S GONE CRAZY!!!" Chikaru shrieked.

Suddenly, the robed figures mentioned earlier tossed off their cloaks and revealed themselves: a girl with short light-blue hair and a visor over her eyes, another girl with long red hair with a few streaks of white, a woman dressed like a pirate with a hook and eyepatch, a dominatrix, and a girl without arms or legs floating in mid-air.

"My name...is Milly..." muttered the girl with blue hair.

"I'm Kaori..." whimpered the red/white-haired girl.

"I be Black Jacklyn...argh! Or some shit like that!" croaked the pirate cosplayer.

The dominatrix said nothing except for one word: "Beg."

The girl without any limbs rose her bandage-wrapped head and shouted out something, but it was muffled.

"You shall all be killed mercilessly by the Aodaishō, the most powerful assassination clan in the world!!! No one will live to tell the tale of Shizuma's downfall!!!" Miyuki exclaimed.

The girls were growing fearful, but Shizuma remained calm and stoic. With a slight smirk, she cupped her hands around her mouth and blew out as hard as she could. In an instant, her breath froze together to form a long icy spear. Wielding it in one hand, Shizuma crouched forward and proclaimed, "Too bad for you that I ALSO have a power, Miyuki-chan..."

"W-WHAT?! YOU CAN DO IT TOO?!" Nagisa, Kaname and the others cried in unison.

"Uh...yeah. Didn't I tell you guys?"

"NO!!!"

Miyuki certainly hadn't expected this. 'Hmm...Shizuma is able to control ice, huh? That's weird...yet oddly appropriate, although it probably would fit Shion better. Still, in any case, fire beats ice, so...I'LL WIN NO MATTER WHAT!!'

Suddenly, Tamao stuffed her hands into her breasts and unsheathed several small pills, all of them held between her fingers. With amazing accuracy, she tossed all of the pills, and everyone in their little group (except for Ricky, Chiyo and Mary Sue) ended up swallowing them.

Grasping at her throat, Nagisa coughed and screeched, "T-TAMAO-CHAN...WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!!"

Tamao grinned childishly. "You'll awaken to your power now as well, Nagisa-chan!"

"W-WHAT?!!"

"You see," Shizuma explained, "I awaken to my power during a passionate sex session between me and Tamao-chan. After that, I have depended on her to keep it a secret...as well as create a special chemical that can awaken such powers within all of you in case the time came...and that time has now come..."

Nagisa blushed. 'Wow...so they ARE sluts after all!'

"Hmph! You think even with those bitches on your side that you'll come out alive?! Pitiful!!!" Miyuki snapped.

Shizuma smirked once again. "Heh...you'll be surprised, Miyuki-chaaan..."

Suddenly, while all of this was going on, something inside of Nagisa snapped to life. Clutching at her head, Nagisa started screaming in pain. As she continued to scream, fur began to sprout all over her body, and her eyes became wide and dilated. Her teeth started to sharpen and grow longer, and her ears slid up to the top of her head and sprouted outwards. Last but not least, a long bushy tail sprouted out right above Nagisa's ass crack.

"OH...OH MY GOD...N-NAGISA-CHAN!!!" Tamao cried; not even she had expected this.

Falling on all fours, Nagisa snarled like a wild beast...and she had now become a werewolf school girl.

'Damn...that's actually kinda hot...kinda...' Shizuma thought, blushing.

'FURRIES MAKE ME WET!!!' Chiyo realized, before colllapsing into a spasm.

"I'LL KILL YOU BITCHES..." Nagisa growled in a demonic voice, "I'LL TEAR YOUR FUCKIN' HEART OUT AND EAT IT..."

The pirate cosplayer, Black Jacklyn, smirked and took a step forward on her peg-leg. "Hmph, you think you're tough, eh? I'll kill you good, swine!!! I'll kill you good!!!"

The limbless girl slowly turned her lifeless gaze towards Ricky and Mary Sue, setting their fight to come.

Without a word, the dominatrix ran off in the opposite direction, and Tamao chased after her.

Then, the final two girls turned their sights upon Kaname and Momomi, and the last match had been determined.

**_NAGISA VS. BLACK JACKLYN_**

**_TAMAO VS. DOMINATRIX_**

**_KANAME & MOMOMI VS. MILLY & KAORI_**

**_SHIZUMA VS. MIYUKI_**

**_LIMBLESS FLOATING FREAKY GIRL VS. RICKY & MARY SUE_**

"LET'S GET IT ON, BITCHES!!!!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at the ice cream parlor..._

"Oh...oh my god..."

Bai was completely speechless, her body shaking in fear.

Standing before her, with the defeated bloody bodies of Tasha and Kuroka at her feet, was Super Amane...and she was PISSED.

"YOU ALMOST KILLED STAR BRIDE...AND INSULTED HIM!!!" Super Amane screamed, sending a powerful shockwave blasting through the air, "I'LL...I'LL DO SOMETHING REALLY BAD TO YOU!!!"

Unsure of what to do, Bai quickly snatched up Hikari into her arms and held a pistol to the unconscious girl's head. "You just try...and I'll blow her head off!" she snarled.

Super Amane froze on the spot.

'Heh...now she's scared...' Bai thought, grinning to herself.

However, in that instant, Bai felt an intense pain flow through her arms. Looking down...she saw both of her arms lying on the ground in pools of blood. Over in Super Amane's arms was Hikari, asleep and peaceful-looking as ever. Super Amane smiled at her beautiful lover before placing her gently on the counter.

"AHHH...AHHH...AHHHHHH!!!" Bai was screaming with insanity as she watched her own blood pour out onto the floor like waterfalls.

"You deserved that, bitch..." Super Amane snarled.

Still screaming, Bai started running for the door. However, she didn't realize it said 'PULL', and she lost consciousness the moment she smacked into the glass.

Super Amane sighed and rolled her eyes. 'Poor rookie...'

With that now out of the way, Super Amane discharged and returned to her normal form. Taking Hikari into her arms, she stared at her sweet face and interesting ideas formed in Amane's mind.

"Hmm...maybe it's time to try out that scat idea..."

"NOOO!!!" Hikari screeched, jumping out of Amane's arms and running off without looking back.

'Why do they always run...?' Amane wondered.


	11. Chapter 11

**_DON'T ABANDON MEEEEEE!!! SERIOUSLY, IF THE WHOLE NEW SERIOUSNESS OF THE FIC HAS RUINED THINGS FOR YOU, DO NOT FRET! THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS LITTLE SUB-ARC, WHICH IS WHY IT'S EXTRA LONG!!! THEN...THINGS WILL BE BACK TO THE CRACKY NORM...SOMEWHAT..._**

_**SO REVIEW!! ^_^ 'CAUSE I WANNA PLEASE YA!!!**_

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I like to get at least three to four reviews before each update. Just saying. There's no point in continuing a fic if no one's gonna review it...although I truly appreciate everyone who does review and that they enjoy this fic so much. Thank you all.

Also, here's this fic's pending subtitle: THE SCHOOLS OF ATRAEA HILL; CREATING THE YOUNG LESBIANS OF TOMORROW!

...Get it? Because, well, they go to those three schools, where they're supposed to learn how to be elegant young ladies or something...heh...heh heh heh...

...IT'S A JOKE, DAMMIT!!!

--

Name: Bai Jinoku

Age: 18 (Looks about 20, though)

Height: Pretty Tall

Weight: Pretty Skinny

B/W/H: Not much, to tell the truth...

Likes: Cigarettes, cigars, tobacco, prescribed drugs, illegal drugs, small guns, young and naive little girls, child pornography involving young girls, Kuroka, Tasha, Fallout Boy, Rugrats the Movie, Nana the manga series, etc.

Dislikes: Young boys, old men, gay men, annoying people, horses, losing, Double Arts the manga series, having her drugs taken away, Nick Jr. Shows, Panic At The Disco, coffee, any movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan, etc.

Summary: Since she's really not going to appear again, there isn't much to say about Bai; she's basically a cocky bitch who acts tough, but loses her composure easily when facing a stronger opponent. Like all of the members of the Aodaishō, Bai is a bonafide lesbian. Her favorite girls are both Tasha and Kuroka; sometimes they have a threesome. Also, Bai wasn't killed, but she will have to get a cybernetic replacement for her arm. Her catchphrase is "freakin'", although she never used it during her single appearance.

She is also the only person in the Aodaishō who can awaken other people's POWERs. She can also send people into 'comas' and reawaken them whenever she decides to, or if she is defeated. Whether she actually has any physical attacks is unknown.

--

Title: Tasha Bennington

Age: 15

Height: A little on the short side

Weight: Pretty light

B/W/H: She's bald!!!

Likes: Hair, Bai, Kuroka, fighting, karate, kung-fu, judo, Aerosmith, Spice Girls, dancing, sex, older women, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure manga series, The Village People, etc.

Dislikes: Being bald, being ignored, being hated, being forgotten, being bossed around, Death Note, Sex Pistols, The White Stripes, etc.

Summary: Well known for the only bald girl most people will ever see in their lifetimes, Tasha is rather sensitive about her condition. For some reason, though, she's never bothered buying a wig, and her baldness actually somewhat fits her buddha-like persona. Truthfully, she's very sweet and quite cute, but most men ignore her or are disgusted by her shiny bald head. Thus, she turned to lesbianism, and loved being in the arms of another woman. Her two lovers are Bai and Kuroka, and they sometimes have a threesome. The reason for Tasha having an American name in a Japanese land is unknown. On another random note, Tasha's favorite bands and songs all seem to be from times before she was even born...hmm...

Although her POWER was never revealed, Tasha is a master at martial arts, and can infuse life force energy into her fists and feet to increase the damage to compare with that of being hit by a speeding bullet train.

--

Name: Kuroka Shiro

Age: 13

Height: Small.

Weight: Light.

B/W/H: What do you care, pedophile?!!

Likes: Bai, Tasha, chocolate, shogi, Katy Perry, Pink, dancing, her hair, the color pink, long stockings, sex, tall women, women with wide foreheads, Scanners, The Office, etc.

Dislikes: Kanye West, ACDC, go, rain, fog, lightning, old perverted men, 300, Internet memes, cruel women, losing, the possibility of going bald, etc.

Summary: Despite being the youngest member of Aodaishō, Kuroka is one of the most experienced when it comes to sexual pleasure, and she had proved it quite well during her many threesomes with her two lovers/friends Baiand Tasha. She is generally young, sweet and naive, but is willing to kill without mercy if ordered to. Her hidden ruthlessness stems from her tragic past when she was raped repeatably by both father AND mother. Kuroka is deeper in a relationship with Tasha than with Bai, and had even considered running away to Canada together so they could get married.

Her POWER is controlling her long braided hair in any way she commands it.

--

Name: Black Jacklyn (Real name: Miyuki Rakisha)

Age: 22

Height: Uh...you mean on two legs, or four?

Weight: Slightly plump, but THAT'S ALRIGHT!!!

B/W/H: The biggest waist and hips out of any members of the assassination group, with the dominatrix woman (whose name is revealed in this chapter) leads with the largest breasts.

Likes: Pirates, women, mud-wrestling, alcohol, big butts, manatees, dolphins parrots, hash browns, The Beatles, cute girls, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.

Dislikes: Pancakes, apple juice, small butts, Green Day, mermaids, horny men, Twilight the book series, Twilight the movie, etc.

Summary: The unofficial leader of Aodaishō, as well as its oldest member, Black Jacklyn is called 'the boss' or 'boss' by her co-workers. She thinks that 'passionate love' and 'mindless strap-on rape' mean the same thing, and every one of her subordinates had been fucked by her at least three times. Black Jacklyn has a weight problem, but most of her fat is in her muffin-top and hips, which many of her admirers find amazingly attractive. She had once tried out several different fetishes in a single night, ranging from farting in the face to feet-jobs, and realized just how perverted humanity really is. Black Jacklyn is actually a bit innocent in a sense, and becomes rather uncomfortable when listening to Kuroka talk about her various sexual exploits. She's a cutie, though, and, on a completely different note, had been working on saving up enough money to buy a parrot so she could be like a real pirate...

Her POWER will be revealed in this chapter.

* * *

_The battles have been set!!!!!_

Looking over the script from the last chapter, Chikaru remarked, "You know, Shion...I just realized we don't even have an opponent to fight..."

"WHAT THE HELL?! REALLY?!!!" Shion exclaimed, her body radiating with her awakened inner aura.

Chikaru nodded. Suddenly, a large naked muscular man formed behind her and proclaimed, "I AM STAR PLATINUM, YOUR STAND! I CAN HELP YOU WIN THIS FIGHT?!"

Sighing, Chikaru explained, "Sorry...but you'll have to wait until next time, Mr. Star Platinum..."

"_WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY_-" Then, Star Platinum vanished, leaving both girls in an awkward silence.

"...Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, huh?"

"...Yup...what about you, Shion-chan? Got anything...interesting?" Chikaru asked as she lit a cigarette.

"Well, I seem to be able to produce chocolate pine cones out of my clitoris..." Shion replied, pulling out a pine cone made out of chocolate from within her panties.

Chikaru couldn't say anything in response.

Shion bit into the pine cone, chewed on it a little, and gasped, "DAMN, THIS THING IS GOOD!"

'OH...MY...GOD...'

* * *

**_RICKY VS. THE LIMBLESS FLOATING GIRL_**

"GOOD LUCKY, RICKY!!!" Mary Sue called, waving over to her boyfriend.

"YOU CAN DO IT!!!" Chiyo exclaimed, dressed like The Townie from _The Waterboy_.

Ricky himself, however, wasn't feeling as confident. 'So...how exactly am I supposed to fight this thing...?' he wondered, staring at the freakish disabled monstrosity hovering several feet in the air before him.

"Mmm...mmm...mmph..." his opponent grumbled, her words muffled by the wrappings around her face.

Deciding to help her out, Ricky tore them off, revealing the face of a beautiful young girl about 14 years old, with long stringy black hair that hung all over her head.

"T...Thank you..." she mumbled.

"No problem," Ricky replied before walking back over to his original position.

"HEY, STOP FLIRTING WITH HER, YOU IDIOT!!!" Mary Sue snarled at him.

Ricky winced. "S-S-Sorry...I-I wasn't...r-r-really...I wasn't..."

'Man...Ricky is such an UKE...' Chiyo realized.

"My name...is Katawa..." murmured the limbless young lady, "But...please don't think that just because my name means 'disabled' doesn't actually imply that I AM disabled..."

"Uh...you ARE disabled..."

Suddenly, a mischievous smirk formed on Katawa's lips. "That's...what you think,"

Completely out of nowhere, long bolts of electric tendrils burst out of the ends of Katawa's body, and took on the shape of both feet and legs.

"Ooh...I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!" Ricky exclaimed, chuckling as if this was all some big gag.

"I can tear off your head and tear out your heart at the same time...using just my feet!" Katawa barked.

Chiyo and Mary Sue gasped in unison. 'OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!'

Ricky scoffed. "Listen, babe...I destroyed THREE nuclear missiles on my own without even breaking a sweat. I'm sure a little handicapped girl like you won't be any trouble..."

"H...H...Handicapped...??"

"No offense, but...well, you already know, right? I mean...it's painfully obvious that there's SOMETHING wrong with you...up there, y'know?" Ricky commented.

'OOOOOH....HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT...' Chiyo winced.

"YOU...YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!!!! I KNOW I'M FUCKIN' HANDICAPPED!!!!" Katawa shrieked, and she let off a huge burst of chi, nearly knocking Ricky off his feet.

"Hmm...maybe calling her 'handicapped' and 'disabled' wasn't exactly a good idea..." Ricky muttered under his breath.

"YA THINK?!!"

Clutching her head in her hands, Chiyo cried, "THIS IS AS BAD AS THE TIME AMANE READ THE LIGHT NOVELS!!"

* * *

_Amane was sitting on her bed, writing down names in her own hand-made Death Note, when Hikari burst into the room with a book in her hands._

_"Amane-bitchi, check this out! Some weirdos went and wrote light novels about our girl-love escapades! Since we're just a bunch of english-subbed asian lesbians, I bought you the American version translated by Seven Seas Entertainment!"_

_Taking the book into her hands, Amane opened it...and read the first page._

_"RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"_

_"WAAAHH!!! AMANE HAS BECOME SUPER AMANE 3!...HER EYEBROWS FUCKIN' DISAPPEARED?!!" _

* * *

Chiyo shook her head in sadness. "Seven Seas Entertainment was never the same again after what Super Amane 3 did to them..."

Mary Sue nodded, although she had no idea what the hell Chiyo was talking about.

"DDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Katawa snarled, and she sent her tendrils flying straight at Ricky's chest. They were only inches from piercing him when Ricky immediately leaped to the side.

As the battle continued on, Mary Sue recalled something. "Hey, Chiyo, I just remembered to ask this...why didn't Tamao-chan give Ricky any of those POWER-awakening pills?"

Chiyo put on a confident grin and replied, "I think it's because...Ricky doesn't have any POWER inside of him, but he doesn't need it either...since he's the best there is,"

Mary Sue gasped and cried, "...OH MY GOD, YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?!!"

"WHAAAT?! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA OUT OF WHAT I JUST SAID?! OF COURSE I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM!! HE'S BEEN BY YOUR SIDE SINCE HE ARRIVED AT THE SCHOOL, WHICH WAS ABOUT THREE HOURS AGO! IDIOT!!!"

"...Oh, you're right...!"

"Jeez..."

Anyway, back to the fight:

"This...is...USELESS!!!" Ricky exclaimed as he easily avoided every strike that came his way.

Growing more and more pissed by the second, Katawa shouted, "What are you saying is useless?! Are you..are you calling me useless, you heartless bastard?!!"

Ricky shook his head. "No...it's not you..."

"THEN WHAT IS IT?!!"

Slamming his fingers into the earth, Ricky looked Katawa right in the eye and said, "...It's useless for me to just be jumping around and dodging your attacks...so I'm going to counterattack now...please forgive any pain I will cause you..."

At that moment, Ricky's leather jacket blew off, and it was revealed...that his entire back was hollowed out and replaced with metal plates covered in various buttons and slots.

"HOOOOOOOOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!" Chiyo gasped.

"Oh yeah...I forgot that Ricky got into a motorcycle accident a while ago...and he got some upgrades...so that's why his back is always so cold and hard in bed..." Mary Sue spoke to herself out loud.

"HELLEXION GRAVICATORS!!!" Ricky's back snapped open, and thousands of small insect-like projectiles flew out and attached themselves to Katawa's body.

"W...W...What is this?!" Katawa cried in confusion.

Now slowly walking towards the paralyzed young woman, Ricky explained, "It's one of my many various weapons and techniques I hide within myself. The 'Hellexion Gravicators' are basically mini-bombs set to activate only when a certain action is input, for example...say 'cheese'!"

"..."

"C'mon, just say it! It won't kill you! I mean it!"

"C...cheese..." As soon as Katawa said that, the bombs immediately erupted, and the poor girl collapsed to the ground in a puddle of her own blood, smoke flowing off of her burnt skin.

Mary Sue and Chiyo were both speechless.

"OH YEAH! I GOT YOU GOOD! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO HIT YA!" Ricky exclaimed, pounding his fists into the air, "HEY, MARY SUE, MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE! DIDJA SEE THAT?! WOO-HOO!!!"

Taking out her cellphone, Mary Sue held it up to her ear and called, "Uh...is this the police? We have a bastard here who's going around blowing up women and enjoying it..."

"WHAAAAAT?! YOU'RE NOT HAPPY AT ALL?!"

"Dude...that was MEAN! You tricked a poor disabled girl into KOing herself!" Chiyo remarked in annoyance.

'Fuck...' Ricky never did seem to be able to do anything right without pissing off someone...

**_THE VICTOR: RICKY!_**

* * *

**_TAMAO VS. THE DOMINATRIX WOMAN_**

'I wonder why she ran in here...?' Tamao thought as she stepped inside the large greenhouse just around back of St. Lulim's Girls' School. Since it was becoming nightfall outside, the expansive, eerie glass building had become even more unsettling, especially when walking around alone without even a candle for a light source.

'Still, it was quite fortunate that we would end up in here of all places...this'll make the fight much, much easier for me...' Tamao figured as she passed underneath the shade of a large palm tree.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a whip cracking against the ground, and before Tamao could react, a pair of high-heeled boots smashed into the back of her head. Spinning forward and crashing into the floor, Tamao glanced up and saw the dominatrix woman standing over her with a confident smirk on her plump lips.

"Heeey...you look like fun to play with..." she chided, running her fingers down her smooth thigh in a seductive manner.

"Huh...thanks for the compliment..." Tamao replied, staring intensely at the dominatrix woman's crotch.

"Ooh...you like what you see, huh? Well...how about this?" Reaching down, the dominatrix unhooked the bottom half of her tight leather suit, revealing everything from the waist down in plain sight. Tamao's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

'Oh god...oh god...oh god...I...I can't let myself have a nosebleed...I'll lose consciousness again...I gotta...I gotta control my perverted urges...but...but I want to taste the sacred gardens of Babylon...if ya know what I mean...and...and why the hell am I just lying on the ground?!'

Getting back to her feet, Tamao placed her hands over her eyes in a pitiful attempt to keep herself from staring, and the dominatrix woman cackled like a banshee.

"SERIOUSLY?! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY PLANNING ON FIGHTING ME WHILE HIDING YOUR EYES SO YOU WON'T GET DISTRACTED?! GOD, YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A PERVERTED LESBIAN, ALRIGHT! OH DEAR LORD, IT'S JUST TOO HILARIOUS! HA HA HA HA-"

Suddenly, the dominatrix felt something pierce into her chest. Glancing down, she saw a vine had emerged from a nearby bush and thrust its end-point right in between her breasts.

"W...What is this?" the dominatrix reached up to pull out the vine, but it dug deeper into her skin, and she cried out in pain.

A grin formed on Tamao's lips, and she brought her hands back down to her sides. "This is my POWER...I can control plant life..."

The dominatrix scoffed. "Seriously?! I'm pretty sure there's at least one character with super powers involving plants in mostly every cliche shonen action manga/American comic book ever created..."

"NO ONE ASKED YOU!!!" Tamao snapped furiously, but then her expression became calm again, "Besides, you're in no position to mock me...with a few simple movements of my fingers, I can tear you in half..."

A chill crawled up the dominatrix spine as she thought, 'Oh my god...this girl is INSANE! She seems to completely understand the situation, and had gotten the jump on ME so quickly and easily! Plus, she can act like a cold-hearted killer bitch with no emotions, which is really important you would need to be able to perform to make yourself look dangerous and be feared by the masses...she'd make a good assassin in our group, I'd bet...still, I have a good chance of winning myself...'

"...Aren't you going to even try and fight back?" Tamao asked.

Suddenly, the dominatrix closed her eyes, and began to inhale deeply. Tamao watched in shocked silence as the vine started to be PULLED into the woman's chest, faster and faster until it snapped off of the branch it was attached to. Soon, the entire vine had been absorbed, and now a small gaping hole remained in its place.

When the dominatrix opened her eyes again...she was smiling. "My name is Ashana," she explained, "Besides my powerful love for BDSM, I can absorb anything that comes my way...anything..."

Tamao was impressed. 'Huh...guess this will be a bit harder than I originally anticipated...'

Ashana laughed insanely as she unsheathed a small razor blade from her back-pocket...only to trip and accidently stab herself right through the ear.

"OH MY GOD!!! MY EAR!!! AUUUUUUUGHH!!! IT HURTS!!!"

'How anti-climatic...' Tamao thought with a sigh. Using her POWER, Tamao wrapped Ashana in a bundle of weeds and vines and left her dangling from the top of a tall oak tree.

'That was too damn easy...'

**_THE VICTOR: TAMAO!!!_**

* * *

**_NAGISA VS. BLACK JACKLYN_**

The air surrounding these two warriors was so tense a normal person wouldn't even be able to breath. Nagisa licked her lips and bared her large, sharp fangs, snarling all the while.

"Hah hah...it's funny," Black Jacklyn pointed out, "You already were a dog to begin with, and now you've finally decided to start ACTING like one!!"

Nagisa wasn't about to back down from this diss-fest, though. "...I bet you're just the pirate crew's whore, right? The lone woman they keep on their ship so they can appeal to their sexual desires every now and then..."

'Fuck, how did she know?!' Black Jacklyn wondered, feeling too embarrassed to even show her face at that moment.

Leaping high into the air, Nagisa let out a demented roar and brought her claws down upon Black Jacklyn, who didn't even bother attempting to dodge the assault.

"MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA...MUUUUUUUUUUDA!!!"

By the time Nagisa jumped back to check out her handiwork, poor Black Jacklyn had been torn to shreds.

Wincing, Nagisa muttered, "Eww...maybe I should have let up a little...just a little..."

Suddenly, the pieces of Black Jacklyn's body melted, and quickly formed back together, recreating the entire body in less than five minutes.

"Heh...how'd ya like that one?" Black Jacklyn sneered, brushing some dust off of her bosom.

Nagisa was speechless for a moment, but then she exclaimed, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?!!"

"It's my ability," Black Jacklyn explained, "I can turn my body into water and reform myself no matter how much I get sliced up! I'm pretty much invincible, bitch!!!"

Scratching the back of her ear, Nagisa asked, "It's weird. You say you're 'pretty much invincible'...so that means you're not REALLY invincible, right? That means there IS a way to kill you...right?"

Black Jacklyn stiffened and nervously replied, "W-Well, I...I suppose, but...but you'll never find out what it is!!"

"...Can you tell me?"

"HELL NO!!!"

Nagisa sighed. "Damn..."

Picking her nose, Black Jacklyn asked, "So...do you still wanna fight, despite the HUGE ADVANTAGE I have over you...?"

"Hah! Does the joobalah guido bugion monkas fuu tanla?"

"...WHAT?!!"

"I SAID 'YEEEEEEEEEES'!!!" Nagisa screeched, and she charged at Black Jacklyn once again. Nagisa swung with her claws and sliced the pirate woman's face clean off...only to watch in amazement as if reformed again right before her very eyes.

"FOOLISH!!" Tearing off a piece of her own flesh, Black Jacklyn had it dissolve into liquid, and then it slanted upwards and formed into a long needle. She began swinging it around as if it was a small knife, and Nagisa barely dodged as it nearly dug into her cheek, leaving a thin bleeding cut in the process. Black Jacklyn jabbed several more times in an attempt to slice Nagisa open, but no go.

"Hmph! You guys," Nagisa exclaimed as she hopped back a few steps, "Don't have very large, super-powerful, explosive attacks, huh?"

"Of course we don't! We're ASSASSINS...we're SUPPOSED to be discreet..." Black Jacklyn replied, licking off Nagisa's blood that had stained the needle.

"EXACTLY! JUST LIKE HOW NINJAS SHOULDN'T BE SCREAMING 'BELIEVE IT' AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS AND WEARING ORANGE JUMPSUITS ON SNEAKING MISSIONS!!!"

"Uh...what are you getting at...?"

"Nothing...nothing...let us continue..."

Suddenly, just as they were both about to strike again, Nagisa had an idea. Sliding her left hand into her back-pocket, Nagisa sliced off Black Jacklyn's head, and as the assassin started to reform her body, Nagisa unsheathed her secret weapon...

...a taser gun.

"I BOUGHT THIS JUST IN CASE SHIZUMA TRIED TO FORCE HERSELF ONTO ME AGAIN!!" Nagisa exclaimed, and she jammed the taser gun into Black Jacklyn's liquefied head, and pulled the trigger. Black Jacklyn let out a scream of pain as the electricity flowed through her head, and she was blasted backwards onto the floor.

She shook violently for a moment, and then she ceased to move. Running over to her, Nagisa was relived to see that Black Jacklyn had been able to finish completely reforming her head just in time, so she was only knocked out, and not killed.

'I WON!!! BUT...MY POWER ENDED UP BEING USELESS!!! WWWWRRRRRRYYYYY-'

**_THE VICTOR: NAGISA!_**

* * *

**_KANAME & MOMOMI VS. KAORI & MILLY_**

Kaname stared at both Kaori and Milly for a moment as she assessed the situation; neither opponent looked particularly skilled or brave. The girl with long red/white hair, Kaori, was shaking nervously and trying her best not to cry. The other one with the short blue hair and a visor, Milly, seemed to be calm and collected, but Kaname could sense intense fear flowing within her. Kaname figured these two had just recently joined Aodaishō and were still new to the whole 'assassin' thing.

Deciding to play on their fear, Kaname smirked and exclaimed, "Hmph...what's wrong, girls? I thought you were supposed to be assassins...yet all I see are two pathetic little wimps who are about to piss their panties!!"

Milly and Kaori both remained silent.

"Yeah! Yeah! And you guys suck too!" Momomi cackled, acting like a little asshole as always.

Suddenly, tears started to pour down Kaori's sweet, round face, and she whimpered, "S...Stop...stop being so...being so mean...you're really...you're really mean...sob..."

Milly's expression tensed slightly. "Don't make Kaori cry...seriously..."

"What's wrong? Are you gonna beat me up for making fun of your little SEX TOY?! Blegh!" Kaname mocked.

Milly shook her head and replied, "Well, yes, but...Kaori's alot stronger than me..."

"...What?!"

Raising her hands in the air, Kaori screamed, "STOP BEING MEAN TO MEEEEEEE!!!" At that moment, a huge shiny white railgun fell from the sky and landed in the girl's grasp. Aiming the large weapon right at Kaname and Momomi, Kaori let out another pained sob before pulling the trigger. Both Spica girls gasped as a huge beam of electric energy fired in their direction.

'Damn...she's able to wield that huge gun with such ease! She really is stronger!!'

"HOLY CRAP!!" As Kaname and Momomi leaped out of harm's way, they unleashed their POWERs. Momomi waved her hands in a circular motion, and long blades of energy formed out of all ten of her fingertips.

Kaname held out her right arm and it quickly swelled to an immense size. With their POWERs now activated, the two women charged at Kaori, planning to take her and her railgun out first. The poor girl was so frightened that she accidentally dropped her railgun and froze on the spot. She was going to be killed...

"S...STOP!!! I...WE DIDN'T COME HERE TO FIGHT YOU GUYS!!!"

Kaname and Momomi immediately halted, and turned their gazes upon Milly. Removing her visor, the blue-haired girl revealed a long scar running across her whole forehead. She had beautiful, sweet eyes of sincerity...the same eyes as that of a girl Kaname had once loved what felt like ages ago...

"A...Amane...?" Kaname stammered in surprise.

"My full name...is Milly Ohtori..." Milly explained, "I am...Amane Ohtori's future daughter..."

Then, Kaori wiped the tears form her eyes and walked up beside Milly, and held her hands tightly. "And...and I am Kaori Aoi-Hanazono...the future daughter of Nagisa Aoi and Shizuma Hanazono...I was named after one of Shizuma-mama's past lovers..."

"I...I don't believe it..." Momomi grunted, and she got into a fighting pose once again.

"Please, I know it's hard to believe, but...we came from the future and joined the Aodaishō only so we could come here and meet with the teenage versions of our mothers and their friends...we need their help...we need to warn them..." Milly told them.

"IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF TRICKING US OUT OF A FIGHT," Kaname snapped, "THEN YOU IDIOTS REALLY NEED TO WORK ON YOUR CHOICE OF EXCUSES A LITTLE MORE!!!"

"It's not a lie! It's the truth! We cannot allow the events that have transpired in our time-line to come about! You...you don't understand the hell we'll all be put through!!!" Milly exclaimed, a dangerous aura beginning to flow off of her body. Kaname was sure she had seen Milly's hair flash red for only a split-second.

"My love...please calm down...please...I hate it when you act like this..." Kaori whispered, kissing Milly gently on the lips.

Letting out a sigh, Milly's aura vanished, and she regained her composure. "I'm...I'm sorry...Kaori-chan..."

"Well, if you really are Amane's future daughter," Momomi asked, "Then who does she marry? They don't share their last names like Nagisa and Shizuma will??"

Milly shook her head. "The truth is...the truth is...I...I have no idea..."

"...Huh?"

"My mother never told me," Milly said sadly, clutching at her right arm as if it was bleeding, "She always changes the subject whenever I ask her about it. Maybe she thinks I'll be upset if I found out...or maybe it's because she secretly feels ashamed of my birth. For all I know, I could have been the result of a one-night stand...it really bothers me, not knowing..."

Kaname immediately felt compassion for these two poor girls. "...C'mon," she said, "I'll take you two to Amane..."

"Hey, hey, hey! What happens to me and Kaname-chan in the future?!" Momomi asked excitedly.

Kaori shrugged. "I think you two commit suicide together or something...drug overdose..."

Momomi didn't say anything.

Suddenly, Hikari Konohana ran by, screaming at the top of her lungs. Following close behind was Amane Ohtori herself, who froze on the spot when she caught sight of Milly and Kaori staring back at her.

"Uh...hello..."

"Hey, mom!" Milly exclaimed happily.

Amane was silent...and then she collapsed onto the ground and lost consciousness.

"AHH! Was it...was it really that shocking?"

Hikari sighed and shook her head. "Nah...I think she just fainted from using up so much energy earlier..."

**_THE VICTOR:...NOBODY._**

* * *

**_SHIZUMA VS. MIYUKI_**

"FUCKIN' LESBIAN WHORE!!!"

"HIDEOUS GAY CRETIN!!!"

Miyuki let out a roar of fury as she swung her blade of flames in a wild fashion. With every swing, Shizuma quickly blocked and parried with her ice blade. With ever parry, Miyuki blocked it as well. Neither girl had landed a single hit yet, as it had been nothing more so far but a seemingly-endless sword battle of parries, blocks and dodged swings.

"HOLD STILL, DAMMIT!!!" Miyuki snapped, and she swung her blade at Shizuma's head, who barely avoided it.

"LIKE HELL I WILL, IDIOT!!!" Shizuma cried, and she swung her right arm, sending several small icicles flying at Miyuki's face.

Cursing loudly, Miyuki dodged to the left, but one of the icicles still grazed her cheek, and blood poured down the side of her face.

"RAAAAGH!!!" Dispersing her flaming blade, Miyuki unleashed a eruptive burst of fire around her body, tearing up the very ground underneath her feet as she stepped forward. Shizuma quickly threw another wave of icicles, only to watch them melt instantly the moment they touched the flames around Miyuki's body.

Flames practically spewing out of Miyuki's mouth, she screamed, "I'LL KILL YOU...FOR LEAVING MEEEE!!! I LOVED YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART...AND YOU CHOSE KAORI...AND NOW NAGISA!!! FUCK YOU!!!!"

Breathing heavily, Shizuma exclaimed, "Are...are you really...that upset about it?!"

"OF COURSE I'M UPSET, YOU MORON!!! WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WOULD HIRE AN ASSASSINATION GROUP TO HELP ME KILL YOU AND ALL OF YOUR STUPID, STUPID GAY FRIENDS?!!! YOU BROKE MY HEART...AND NOW I'M GONNA BREAK YOURS, LITERALLY!!!

"Oh, Miyuki-chaaan...you're so cruel..." Shizuma purred almost mockingly with a little smirk.

"S-STOP MOCKING ME!!!" Miyuki screamed, and she fired a bolt of fire out of her pupils. Shizuma's eyes widened in shock as the small laser tore through her right arm, leaving a gaping bloody hole in its wake.

"Augh!!!"

"HA! AN OPENING!!!"

Dashing up in front of Shizuma, Miyuki created a glove of fire around her right fist and smashed it square in Shizuma's face, sending her flying backwards. Blood spewed out of Shizuma's lips as she smashed into an iron lamp-pole and collapsed to the ground.

Struggling back to her standing position, Shizuma grunted, "Dammit...you bitch...you bitch...you bitch!!!"

Laughing insanely, Miyuki stood over Shizuma and charged her entire right arm with flames. "FINALLY...I CAN FINALLY...FINALLY...KILL YOU, SHIZUMA HANAZOOOOOOOOONNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Suddenly, a smirk graced Shizuma's blood-stained lips. "Heh...I highly doubt that, Miyuki-chaaan..."

"...W-WHAT...?!"

Still smirking, Shizuma explained, "You could have easily torn my whole face off with that last punch of yours, and yet I'm still alive, and only slightly bleeding...do you still harbor some feelings for me...?"

Despite trying to keep her composure, tears were forming in Miyuki's eyes, and her flames were starting to die down. "N...N...NO, OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE!!! I DON'T...I...I DON'T!!!"

"Oh...that's too bad," Shizuma sighed, "Because, staring into your beautiful, flaming eyes right now...I think I might truly be falling in love with you..."

"R...Really?" Miyuki stammered, her cheeks flushed.

"Yeah...I love you, Miyuki-chaaan..."

Falling to her knees, Miyuki pulled Shizuma into a powerful embrace and sobbed into her shoulder. "Oh...oh, Shizuma-chan...I'm...I'm so sorry...I let my jealousy get the best of me...and I was...I was actually going to kill you...oh god...forgive me...forgive me...my wonderful goddess..."

"I forgive you..." Shizuma whispered...and then she thrust a long icicle through Miyuki's stomach, and its tip burst out of her back.

Blood poured out of Miyuki's mouth and she stammered, "S...S...Shizuma...chan...I...I love you..." Her grasp on Shizuma's body faltered, and Miyuki crashed backwards onto the floor, a puddle of blood soon forming under her.

Shizuma stood up and stared down at Miyuki's lifeless body, unsure what to think or say. Instead, she just turned her back and walked away...

'That was easy!'

--

--

--

--

--

--

--

--

--

--

"AMANE-BITCHI! AMANE-BITCHI!! WAKE UP, DAMMIT!!!"

Amane let out a cry and sat up, a graphic novel falling onto her lap. Looking around, she realized she was in her bed, in her room. Hikari was standing in the doorway, tapping her foot and glaring.

"I can't believe you took so long to wake up! You overslept, you idiot!" Hikari nagged.

Rubbing the bump on her forehead, Amane grunted, "Ugh...what happened...?"

"Well, we were going to go get ice cream with Yaya when a large chunk of missile debris fell from the sky and knocked you out! You've been lying in your room with a graphic novel over your face (I put it there to mess with your head) since then!"

"So...I...I was dreaming...?" Amane asked.

"I SUPPOSE SO! I don't know what people do while they're unconscious!!!"

Amane thought about it. 'Hmm...I guess that would explain that whole goddamn DBZ parody thing we were going through...still, it feels like we just gave all the readers the big middle finger by doing a big plot-twist like this...'

Heading back out into the hall, Hikari called back, "Get dressed and hurry up! Your future daughter and her lover are still waiting for you down in the mess hall!"

Amane nodded. "Alright, I'm coming!!!"

As she was getting on her paper-mache panties, however, she froze and realized what Hikari had just said.

'...SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!"


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic!

I require three to four reviews AT LEAST before a new chapter is put up! No reviews, no chapter!

Also, on an interesting note, the Aodaishō actually DO exist in Pineapple Panic's universe, although they just randomly appeared in Amane's dream.

Check out my new Strawberry Panic AMV, too! My username on Youtube is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

Name: Katawa (Full name: Katawa Kishikawa)

Age: 15

Height: Well, she doesn't have any legs...

Weight: Barely anything, since she can FLOAT FOR NO EXPLAINED REASON!

B/W/H: She's pretty flat.

Likes: Linkin Park, Britney Spears, AMVs, Strawberry-flavored ice cream, being complimented, being loved, not talking about her obvious limblessness, playing videogames, soccer, etc.

Dislikes: Being mocked, being limbless, mint-flavored ice cream, getting RickRolled, not being loved, not being complimented, talking about her problems, losing, etc.

Summary: A rather pitiful character who just wants some love, Katawa is a lesbian like the rest of Aodaishō, but she hasn't even gotten to have her first kiss yet. She's hoping to find a woman who has a fetish for people with disabilities, but considering how badly off she is, it's highly doubtful. Despite her sad life, Katawa remains accepting with the many twists and turns of life. Katawa is also incredibly intelligent, as she uses KINETIC ENERGY FROM HER MIND to create the electrical limbs she uses in battle. As of late, she has a slight crush on Black Jacklyn, who is none the wiser. Her name derives from the English doujin game in works, Katawa Shoujo, which is about forming relationships with these girls that have certain disabilities.

--

Name: Ashana (Real Name: Aiko Deux) A.K.A. dominatrix

Age: 19

Height: Bullerwitz.

Weight: About the same weight as your average basketball player.

B/W/H: THOSE ARE SOME TIG OL' BITTIES!

Likes: Being dominate, chocolates, whips, leather, chains, administering punishment, BDSM (obviously), Foo Fighters, Goo Goo Dolls, high-heeled boots, red hair, blue hair, sex, lesbian gang-rape, etc.

Dislikes: Being dominated, Devo, vanilla, Marilyn Manson, basketball, men who think they're better than her, girls without breasts, being gang-raped by men, men in general, ugly shoes, etc.

Summary: An annoying lesbian loser bitch; that's Ashana in a nutshell. I like her real name, though. It sounds cool. Her whole life revolves around BDSM and getting off on torturing people. She doesn't have much of a social life, and has nothing better to do but fuck poor innocent girls with large breasts. She also carries a small pocket knife with her to threaten girls to give in to her sexual desires, but as of late it had proved a pain for her. Ashana is easily remembered by her many former lovers of the huge amount of cum she was able to suck up, mainly due to her POWER to absorb anything.

--

Name: Milly Ohtori

Age: 17

Height: About the same height as Amane.

Weight: A very lanky girl.

B/W/H: Meh...sorta flat-chested.

Likes: Kaori, her mother, checkers, the Matrix movies, milkshakes, traveling through time, making love to Kaori, not having to fight, shoujo manga, writing fanfiction. Limp Bizkit, Korn, pink tanpons, Final Fantasy, Age of Empires, etc.

Dislikes: Her father (possibly, depending on who he is), sushi, alcoholic beverages, cigarettes, cigars, SOAD, P.O.D., pornography, being hated by people she doesn't even know, her next-door neighbor, Yaya Nanto, Rock Band, Guitar Hero, etc.

Summary: Milly is a very good-natured girl that, despite her tough exterior and being the top in her relationship with Kaori, she is really against anything immoral or SINFUL. She does respect other peoples' desires to do such things, however, as she never complains about her mother's alcohol and smoking problems. An avid anime fan like her mother, Milly has written quite a many fanfiction, and she even lets Kaori read them from time to time. She is very devoted to the people she loves and is willing to do anything for their safety. Her POWER would have been being able to imitate anything she had seen happen in a manga she'd recently read (since they actually don't have POWERS, only in Amane's three-chapter dream, Milly is just a normal time-traveling lesbian).

--

Name: Kaori Aoi-Hanazono

Age: 17

Height: Taller than Milly.

Weight: A bit heavier than Milly.

B/W/H: She has the kind of breasts that Ashana would like...

Likes: Milly, her two mothers, SOAD, P.O.D., googling porn, french wine, Milly's delicious flat chest, sex, short-haired women, reverse traps, Rock Band, Guitar Hero, etc.

Dislikes: Being hated, SAW I-V, horror movies in general, blood, gore, violence, her parents when they argue for a long time in the kitchen (but then things get real quiet), being attacked, Final Fantasy, Age of Empires, etc.

Summary: She was born thanks to a turkey paster and a semen sample STOLEN from Ricky, and then genetically modified with both Nagisa's and Shizuma's DNA. Kaori was named after Shizuma's first true love, and she seems to enjoy the fact that she was named after such a person. Kaori is a definite mama's girl, and refers to her parents as 'Nagisa-mama' and 'Shizuma-mama'. Kaori has a massive phobia towards horror movies and blood, and will pass out and/or puke at the sight of them. Despite her naive, wimpy personality and being the bottom in her relationship with Milly, Kaori is actually quite a pervert. She keeps a collection of Milly's used panties hidden underneath her bed, and she googles and downloads porn frequently, much to Milly's disgust. She also listens to all the bands and plays all the games that Milly despises, which makes one question how they can work to be such a good couple. For the record, Kaori was the one who came on Milly first...literally.

--

Name: Tsubomi Okuwaka

Age: 12

Height: Short.

Weight: Skinny.

B/W/H: You don't wanna know...

Likes: ???

Dislikes: ???

Summary: ...What the hell has she been doing the last 11 chapters??

* * *

_In the Spica mess hall..._

Amane and Milly just stared at each other, neither of them unable to speak.

"Uuh..."

"Err..."

Hikari raised an eyebrow and said, "...Are you two gonna suddenly start making out or something?"

"FUCK NO!!!"

Wiping the sweat from her brow, Milly mustered up the courage to actually say something. "Uh...well...it's...it's a pleasure to meet you as a spunky young teenage girl, mother..."

'S...Spunky?' Amane wondered, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

A few tables away, Tsubomi Okuwaka was digging through her book bag when she suddenly pulled out...a little strawberry. "HOLY CRAP, IT'S A STRAWBERRY!!! PANIC!!!" Screaming like mad, she threw the tiny red fruit onto the floor, stomped it to pieces, and ran off sobbing.

"...I really want to see some WINcest..." Yaya remarked as she dug a vagina-shaped crevice into her pudding.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?! SHE'S MY...SHE'S MY FUTURE DAUGHTER, YOU FREAK!!! WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST STAYED DEAD?!" Amane snapped at her.

"...What...?"

"...Nothing,"

Hikari thought about it. "You know...I really wanna see some WINcest too..."

"SHUT UP, HIKARI-CHAN!!!"

Wrapping her arms around Milly, Kaori stuck her tongue out at Amane and commented, "You can't have sex with her...she's MINE!!!"

"I DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH HER!!!" Amane screamed, her fury reaching its limit. 'Why the hell can't I actually be able to become Super Amane? I mean...that was cool, dawg!'

"Anyway, you said that you had something important to tell Amane, right?" Chikaru spoke up as she took a seat next to the three Spica girls.

"Ehh? What the hell are you doing here, Chikaru-chan?!" Hikari gasped.

Chikaru shrugged and took a bite of a carrot on her plate. "There's alot more important characters in Spica than any other school...and I'm surrounded by little brats that don't even have breasts anyway...it's horrible..."

"You're here to have another daily sex session with Shion, aren't you?"

"...Maybe..."

Slamming her palms onto the table, Milly shouted, "Stop talking! This is really, really important! The fate of the future is at stake here!! Our future!!!"

"Alright, alright! Just shut the fuck up, eat your frickin' apple pie, and tell us already!" Amane snarled.

Milly frowned and stuffed what was left of her slice of pie into her mouth. Once that was done, she wiped her mouth and began to speak in a serious tone.

"In the future, Atraea Hill has become the home of a large HQ building run by a powerful organization. This organization has one thing and one thing only in mind...to destroy all homosexuals,"

Amane gasped in an overly-enthusiastic way. "HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIT..."

Milly nodded. "I couldn't have said it any better myself. They tore down all three schools, and have killed many of the people who used to be students there. My mother and Kaori's parents have sent us back in time to help stop this disaster from ever happening...and I was provided with two interesting pieces of information..."

"Oh...and they are?" Hikari questioned.

"Apparently, the events that led to our horrid future begin today of all days, and one of the people responsible is also the one who impregnated my mother...thus giving birth to me..."

Amane gawked. "WEIRD FUTURE KID WITH A SLIGHT SLUR SAY WHAT NOW?!"

"Basically, some guy is going to appear and rape you," Kaori explained.

Hikari gasped and cried, "OH GOD, SHE'S GOING TO GET A 'KANAME' PULLED ON HER!!!"

Milly looked up at Hikari in confusion and asked, "What's that...?"

"Basically, a 'Kaname' is the act of forcing someone to have sex with you while in an all-girls school. I came up with the term myself..." Hikari admitted.

* * *

Suddenly, as Kaname was rubbing her body against Momomi's, she let out a powerful sneeze.

"Ahh! You okay?" Momomi asked.

Sniffling a bit, Kaname nodded and then pulled her lover into a deep kiss...

* * *

"So...so I end up being a teenage mother..." Amane shivered violently at the very thought of it.

Milly nodded. "Mother never told me who it was, though...she doesn't want to talk about it..."

"You know, since we're becoming more plot-oriented and everything, I think it's important to bring this up," Yaya spoke, "If we stop this terrible stuff from happening...what will happen to you? You won't be born!!!"

"I know..." Milly replied, flashing a sweet smile of pure innocence.

Yaya blushed. "Well, if you're going to die...then at least let me..." Without saying anymore, she grabbed Milly by the shoulders, pulled her close, and kissed her passionately on the lips.

Amane, Hikari, Kaori and Chikaru were all speechless in both horror and disgust.

"FIRST YOU'RE A DYKE, THEN A PEDOPHILIC DYKE...AND NOW THIS?!!! TO HELL WITH YOU, MS. NANTO!!!" Amane shouted, and she smashed a wooden chair over Yaya's head.

Wiping Yaya's drool off of her lips, Milly continued to speak as if nothing had happened. "Truthfully, though...I think my mom just lied to get me out of the house,"

"WAIT!!! WHAT?!!" Amane cried, "YOU MEAN...THERE ISN'T A PROBLEM AT ALL?!!"

Milly shook her head. "I doubt it. I've never seen any evil organization going around and killing homosexuals...my mom's full of crap nowadays..."

Amane wasn't sure how to react to this, so she just smacked her head hard enough against the table that she collapsed onto the floor.

"OH NO!!! AMANE HAS FAINTED!!!" Hikari cried, and she immediately began groping the poor unconscious girl.

Kaori blushed at the sight. 'Man...that is one HOT sexual fantasy...'

Suddenly, Nagisa came dashing into the room with a look of excitement on her face.

"HEY, IT'S YOUNG, DUMB AND UGLY! WASSUP?!!" Hikari exclaimed.

Holding up a ticket, Nagisa exclaimed, "I WON A FREE VACATION FOR ALL OF US TO THE BAHAMAS!!!"

'NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...'


End file.
